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Friday, September 23, 2011

New Shoes and So Much More

I have to say that yesterday did not go quite as planned. I can blame most of that on the fact that I heard from my chemo nurse as I was in the waiting room for the CT scan, and my CA125 level has doubled in the last 3 weeks. (and remember last cycle it had gone down significantly and was at it's lowest level) It was just very disheartening and kind of sucked the joy right out of the day. Waiting 3 hours in a room with the thermostat set at 60 degrees didn't help either. I don't really know what the CA125 level will mean, but it's certainly not encouraging that it went up. Waiting until Tuesday for results is hard. I know that after Tuesday, whether the news is good or bad, I'll feel better simply because we'll know and have a plan. Waiting is just not easy. And it should go without saying that we're still praying for a clean scan despite the elevated CA125 level.

We did get to enjoy lunch at McDougals, which is my favorite comfort food restaurant. And I use the term restaurant loosely because it's a little hole in the wall that serves what I like to call jiggly chicken. My friends and family assure me that describing chicken as jiggly is not the best idea. What I mean is that they serve only fresh, never frozen, organic chicken (and the best thin and crispy fries ever) which is always so tender and clearly fresh that it's jiggly. And I completely kicked the healthy eating out the window for the day and headed straight to Starbucks after lunch as well as pulling out the oreos and coffee ice cream last night after the kids went to bed (while I watched Project Runway from the couch).

God placed several things in my life yesterday and this morning that really spoke to me, despite my discouragement. While I won't share all of them, here are a few that were so meaningful. 

(1) I had an unexpected package at my front door when we arrived home yesterday. A fellow adoptive mom had sent me a new pair of running shoes (blue and teal no less). And while that was definitely a fun surprise, the email that accompanied the shoes was nothing short of God's provision for my emotional state yesterday. Here is a snippet: 

Every time you put them on, I want you to smile. They are loud looking shoes so wear them proudly. And I'm cheering you on...and praying for you. And this is why God had me send you shoes:

You are in battle...wear your armor and don't forget your feet shod with the readiness to share the reason for your hope, your joy, that is in Christ Jesus. Anytime someone asks about your shoes...tell them about how Jesus put it on my heart to send you shoes to remind you of His love for you.

You walk by faith...God has a plan for you and He has work for you. Make the most of every opportunity you have to share His faithfulness.

Now this next part is hard because you can look at it two ways. I'm believing that God wants you to see the application of this verse from the present active participle: the act of walking in faith and knowing that He is with you always and you are in His will...you are walking by faith...and He is using you and He has plans to further use you however that looks like. So here is the verse that He has given me:

So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight.We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him. 2 Cor 5:6-9

Be well pleasing to Him however He directs. Sharing His faithfulness with those lacking in faith pleases Him. And when you doubt His faithfulness...remember to shod your feet with His gospel...which is good news...which is our greatest gift...our greatest need was God's greatest deed.

I hope you wear these shoes well....!

See what I mean? God knew I needed to hear those words and that reminder of His faithfulness.

(2) My inbox and Facebook wall was inundated with emails of encouragement yesterday. My mailbox also had several cards in it, including one from a little Korean cutie that completely cracked me up.

(3) And last night, after a restless night of sleep which included a very vivid dream of sitting in Dr. W's office while he delivered the news that the cancer was still in my body and there was nothing further they could do to help me, I woke up this morning and the devotion I read included this scripture: 

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper, the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love." Psalm 107:28-31.

And while I still have plenty of worries and stress for the next few days, I feel my storm calming to a whisper, and I am grateful.

And now I'm off to put those new shoes to use on the treadmill while I finish watching the season premier of The Sing-Off on Hulu.

092311

11 comments:

Deena P said...

God is good. All the time. I'm so glad you have such a big supportive "family" that allows God to use them in such big ways. :D

Kara said...

Praying for you. My dad is fighting cancer right now, too. A verse that has been precious to us is Joshua 1:9 - "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you." A few weeks ago, my mom called me in tears because the doctor had told them that despite great scans, his chances of a full recovery are quite low. As I was talking to her, my 20-month-old old piped up "Be strong!"

Anonymous said...

Gpa E: "I am amazed at how great
God's Presence is with you."
And yes, He does supply our every need, emotionally, spiritually, physically, providently, socially, familial--and by faith.
We love you bunches, GMa and Gpa E.

Becky said...

I love you, my dear dear sister.

Vicky said...

Wow, what an amazing friend to have in your life, I too am encouraged by those words. "Trust" is hard in these hard moments. You are in my heart and in my prayers.

The waiting is the worst, but we are kindred spirits in that I will go away from my healthy eating in those moments and do what I need to provide comfort to myself. Waiting with you and trusting in God's continued provision for you

thewonderfulhappens said...

I hate so much that you have to wait over the weekend! How nervewracking! And that dream? {shudder}

I am so happy that you seem to have friends who show you just the right kind of love at just the right time.

Brenna said...

Love those beautiful shoes for beautiful you! Big hugs for a restful weekend and much comfort from our Lord.

Elizabeth Frick said...

I can't even imagine the wait you have ahead. May the wait be short, and the news be good. Sending you all the positive energy I have, friend.
Those shoes?! Completely awesome. I can't wait to see a photo of you wearing them!
And your splurge-y eating sounds *perfect*!

Anonymous said...

The shoes are a very beautiful gift.....praying for you and your sweet,sweet family. Miss you. Angel

Renee T. said...

Wishing you and your family peace and strength as you wait for the results. :) Renee T.

Christine said...

Obviously, I know that I'm late to the game here... so I'll leave it at "Those shoes are AWESOME!!!"