Brooklyn is into checking the mail these days too! One other thing about this picture made me remember that I used to check that same mailbox! Crazy! Praying for you every day!
Knowing my recent health history, you're not expecting good news, right? As I suspected, it was not pleasant to hear how difficult my physical situation is. Basically, the doctor told us that the best we can hope for is to keep the cancer stable, and I will remain on chemo indefinitely. I could not make myself ask how long that might be. Despite the bad news, I realized after several hours of reflection (and by reflection I mean crying and resisting the urge to scream at someone, something) that God did answer our prayer. We asked to feel calm, and we asked that the choice would be clear. The cancer center treated us very well; the staff was compassionate; the doctor spent a full hour with us giving us more information on ovarian cancer and treatment than we have received in the last 7 months. My treatment would have been the same at Vanderbilt as it was with Dr. W. The Taxol/Cistplatin/Carboplatin is the standard treatment. Ovarian cancer is rare enough and complicated enough th...
In the past 48 hours I've received 9 emails asking how I'm doing. I've been debating writing this post for more than 48 hours, and I may regret it later, but I'm tired of pretending that I'm fine so I'll just answer you all here. While I don't feel well physically, emotionally I feel completely battered. I knew this was going to be hard, but I clearly underestimated how hard it would be to face the reality that chemo is now my way of life. That I'm never going to get to quit. That there is no hope of a cure. That I am probably not going to see my children grow up or grow old with my husband. That physically, this is as good as it gets. I know I should look at chemo as a gift. It's supposed to kill cancer. But chemo hasn't proven to kill my cancer; it just makes me sick. I'm tired of being an "inspiration." Tired of choosing joy, choosing gratitude. Tired of not knowing where we'll live or work. Tired of waiting on God...
Did I fool you with my posts last week? :) I actually set them up prior to leaving (well, except for the poem post). We spent the last 7 days in Illinois with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, nephews, and brother. I've decided I cannot possibly edit and upload all the pictures we took (think almost 800 between Becky and I) and share them all here at once so I might just share a few at a time. I also think I'll condense the events to say that we had a really wonderful time that included lots of eating (thank heavens my mother and sister are fabulous and adventurous cooks - clearly, I did not get my lack of domestic ability from them), baking, watching the kids scream/play together, with alot of laughter mixed in. I really have just the best family. We enjoyed a Christmas Eve service (in the freezing rain), a white Christmas (plus a few extra white days after), baked cookies and then passed them out at a local nursing home on Christmas Day (which was alot of fun and also made ...
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