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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Get Real

Today I stumbled across a Christian adoptive mom named Angel who blogs, and she is challenging her readers and fellow bloggers to “get real.” To present the not-so-pretty sides to all aspects of our lives instead of trying to only show off the good bits and pieces to the world. To allow making a “get real” list to encourage others who might struggle with similar issues and also to prompt us confront these issues head on. I spent literally hours throughout the day and night reading through the different blogs of those who had participated. It was a bit liberating to know that I’m not the only imperfect mother and wife. I’ve been debating about whether or not I could actually publish a “get real” list and finally decided to just do it. Obviously, some of this list is just information about me that you may or more likely may not know. Some of these are things I really need to work on. Hopefully you’ll still want to stop by to see pictures of Camden and Rory after reading this!

1. I spend way too much time on the computer. No surprises there.

2. My house does not stay as clean as it should. I really want it to be in order, but I don’t put forth enough effort. You’d die if you saw the clutter in my bedroom. I don’t fold the laundry as soon as it goes through the dryer (although I am much better about this than I used to be). I only dust once a month.

3. I’m seriously insecure about everything. My parenting skills, my weight, my looks, my house. everything. I always have been, but I don’t think I realized quite how much until I quit my job and became a SAHM. At least at work, I knew I was doing a good job because there was constant proof around me.

4. I’m a better mom to Rory than I am to Camden. I don’t have nearly the patience with him that I do with her. I keep telling myself it’s their ages (she’s still little and smooshy and he’s almost 5 and has an attitude). I hope that’s all it is, but honestly, Camden and I clash a bit. Okay, a lot.

5. You know the Proverbs 31 woman? I want to be her, but I'm pretty sure I don't have it in me. I’ve struggled with this my whole adult life. There’s always excuses – working full-time, being a SAHM – but really, it’s just about making myself put forth the effort.

6. Parenting is hard. Adoptive parenting is even harder. It makes you question everything about yourself and this child you’ve brought into your home. I feel as if I have to earn my children’s love – that I don’t have it automatically because they weren’t born to me. Adoption is still the best thing that could have happened to me.

7. I’m extremely competitive. I want to win all the time. I don’t let Camden win at Uno or Candyland or Chinese Checkers.

8. Speaking of competitive, Michael Jordan is still my favorite athlete. (does that show my age?)

9. I still give a small sigh of disappointment every month when I realize I am not pregnant, even though there’s absolutely no reason to believe I would be.

10. Brian is a much better husband to me than I am a wife to him. He's patient, kind, and thoughtful - all the things that I am not.

11. I'm a serious reality TV fan, although I do draw the line at shows like The Bachelor and Farmer Wants a Wife!

12. Have I mentioned I’m a perfectionist?

I looked up some verses on confession and why it might be good to have a “get real” list. Here’s what I found.

Proverbs 28:13
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

I John 1:0
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.

James 5:16
Herefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

So, that’s my “get real” list, and I’m going to use it as a reminder of things I need to be working to improve in my life. Any one else want to make a list and then share it?

7 comments:

Nicole said...

What a wonderful, honest post. I can identify with almost everything on the list, except for the fact that I do work full time (when I finish maternity leave anyway and I experience guilt over that. Perhaps I should give up more so that I can afford to stay at home... You have inspired me to make my own list. I'll share it with you when I'm done.

joscelyne cutchens said...

how completely respectable. I can totally relate to most of those on your list. (except I do let Jalen win every once in a while)... I think it's challenging when the older one is acting out since the younger one doesn't know better yet. it is tough, this mothering thing. My prayers are with you as you work on your real list.

Christine said...

This is a great idea, and I agree - a wonderful post. There's something about putting thoughts on paper in an effort to resolve our imperfections. Or, at the least, accept them and make peace with them. I relate to a lot of these, and find comfort too in the "it's not just me." Thanks for doing this - I think I'll work on a list as well.

M :-) said...

What a neat idea. I could relate to SO many things that you wrote.

I totally agree with you that adoptive parenting is hard. I'm having a much harder time with Molly than I did with my boys. Like you, I feel like I really have to try each day to earn her love. I almost feel like I'm at a job interview trying to sell myself - kwim? It's like "Molly, really I'm the best Mom for you" ... !!!

... and the insecurity thing. I can totally relate to that. FWIW, I think you're SO pretty, and have always thought that. You always look so nice in your pictures - and you have the most gorgeous hair.

I may have to start this on my blog.

KrisJ said...

I love your list! And you are not alone in most of those I promise you that! I felt like I was reading about myself with a lot of those!!

Susie said...

If it's any comfort, I think most of the items on your list could describe the average mother at any time.

Anonymous said...

A word of caution--while a "get real" list may be OK, it seems to completely ignore all the wonderful characteristics and accomplishments. I may be a little prejudiced (after all I am your Dad), but you are simply one awesome individual and I am proud of you--in spite of the "get real" list.
Dad