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Saturday, July 09, 2011

Tired

I am tired of being deathly ill.

I am tired of always being miserable.

I am tired of complications.

I am tired of gaining 7 pounds in 24 hours.

I am even tired of losing 7 pounds in 24 hours because I pay dearly for every pound.

I am tired of not being able to enjoy my children.

I am tired of Brian having to take care of it all.

I am tired of these 2 new nasty holes in my stomach that have to be packed and dressed twice a day.

I am just tired and struggling to remember this will not last forever. It can't.


18 comments:

Mayme said...

I have not words except that I love you and I am lifting you up in prayer. You know that I am here for you all.

Kelly said...

melissa, i am so sorry that things are so difficult right now. :-(

thewonderfulhappens said...

Well, heck. I just wrote a long comment and then blogger lost it. So here I go again.....

Girl, you have every valid reason to be sick and tired of being so sick and tired!! And I know you are discouraged. While I haven't experienced a situation exactly like yours, I had an extended period of bad health that required me to be on home health and medical pumps, etc. I used to say that the only thing worse than being me was being my husband because I knew I was awful to be around. And people would always say, well look how much better you are or just think about that beautiful baby you are carrying (this was during my pregnancy) and I felt so incredibly awful that really I just wanted to die. Or to punch someone. Because the truth is, when you are the one in the valley, you don't see how far you've come, you only see how much farther you have to go, and it looks and feels INSURMOUNTABLE!!!! I understand that. And it is okay (probably healthy even) to be angry and to cry and to scream into the wind. All of that is allowed. My prayer for you will be that while you are in this valley (that is so, so deep right now), that you will be surrounded by angels (seen and unseen) to comfort, encourage, and protect you.

Joy said...

Praying for you, Brian and the kids and wishing I could do so much more. I am so sorry you are having to go through any of this.

KrisJ said...

I cant even imagine. I wish I had words of wisdom but I have no idea what you are going through so my words always seem like to little. Just know that you are so loved, you have touched so many of us through your strength, love, and ability to have humor through all of these struggles. Love you girl, wish I was close so I could come give you a squeeze. Lots of prayers for you and your family!

The Princess and the Tot said...

I'm in tears as I lift you up in constant prayer. I wish I could do more and be a comfort to you in this time of need.

Jill said...

Hi, Melissa. This is Jill (used to be Hayes), Becky's friend from church camp. I found out about your blog through a reference in Becky's. You are a great writer. You definitely have a way with words that makes your reader feel connected and befriended. I am so sorry to read of this crazy cancer you're fighting. I will join the many others in praying. Hang in there. He will deliver you. You're right. It won't last forever.

Anonymous said...

Awww...Hugs. I am silently pulling for you (from the Holt board).

Laura and John said...

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I just can't imagine. I will say some extra prayers for you! Hoping this part passes quickly.

Anonymous said...

Nothing I can think of seems adequate....I love you....thank you for your friendship....and I am praying for you....Angel

Elizabeth Frick said...

I *so* wish I could do more for you than send my thoughts and love from afar. I know that all of your friends, family, and loved ones would gladly bear some of this pain for you if we could!
I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but know that so many love you and are thinking of you night and day and sending you all the strength we can.

Anonymous said...

I remember at one of my lowest physical points over 16 years ago that my best friend came into my hospital room and, as I was throwing up violently, whispered "There will be a better day -- maybe not today but one day." I hung onto those words. I'm about to fight another battle with the same diagnosis, but the strength I have seen in your blog has brought comfort to me. So today I say to you "There will be a better day -- maybe not today but one day." With Love and Prayers, Faye Hanna (Kristi Johnson's mom)

Shelly said...

Praying too.... I'm so sorry it has been a horrible week for you. Been thinking about you all and lifting you up!

Linda Balthrop said...

Praying the Lord gives you strengh and comfort. Can't begin to imagine. Praying!

Kelly said...

I know I already said this a hundred times, but I pray for you every day.
I am so sorry you are suffering so much, and I pray that healing and health will be your very soon.
Sending hugs too, from California.

Karen said...

I can only imagine how tired you are. I wish I could take some of that away for you. I am always, always praying for you, Brian, Rory and Camden. (((HUGS)))

Christine said...

Oh Melissa, I'm *so* *so* *so* sorry. I wish I could just wrap you up in a cloak that only let's good and happy things reach you.

Grace said...

melissa, i don't know what to even say. i'm with elizabeth, though...you have absolutely good reason to feel this way and i am so honored that you could share your honest feelings here.
sending you love and prayers and hugs.