Thoughts and Ramblings from Hospital Stay #3

I had surgery last night and will still be in the hospital another 48 hours or so, but you'll know I'm feeling better when I tell you that this list has been composing itself in my head all. night. long. ;) So here are my ramblings on Hospital Stay #3.

Nurses are saints. I know they sometimes have bad reputations, and I've definitely seen good reason for them to have that reputation, but I have had incredible nurses. Honestly, a good nurse is just priceless.

They gave me Benadryl last night to offset the effects of morphine, and Benadryl sometimes does weird things to my head. Last night I jumped completely out of my bed woke up repeatedly to the vision of cat-sized bugs flying in my face.

I realize that there is probably no good time to schedule a work crew to wax hospital floors, but it seems as if overnight isn't the best time to bring in a loud, large group of work men with huge fans and appropriate waxing equipment. That's what's been going on during the nighttime hours around here the last 2 nights.

I've only ordered hospital room service twice. For obvious food quality reasons. Both times they've gotten the order wrong.

The orange juice in this place is incredible. I am so not kidding.

My baby-faced nurse who has been out of school and officially a nurse for all of 3 months (oh, yes, I asked), knocked on my door and came into my room by accident three times last night. This would be in addition to the multitude of times she actually needed to be in my room.

And speaking of not sleeping, the first night here, I was literally awake the entire night. Lots of drama. Unfortunately, most of it medically related.

The second night, there was also lots of medically related drama. However, apparently, my body said "who cares" because I slept through it. As in the poor nurse actually took me to the bathroom herself (among many other things that night) and I don't even remember any of it happening. It's a good thing. I'm flushing with embarrassment at the thought of needing help using the bathroom anyway. I'm the youngster on this floor; the nurses are probably generally happy when they get assigned to my care since I can take care of those things on my own. LOL

If I were on the ball and had ordered this handy dandy camera connector kit for my iPad, Becky and I had decided pics of my crazy tennis-ball sized lumps would be a great Project 365. Fortunately for you, we decided it fell in the category of blogging TMI.

By the way, Becky is here.

You may or may not remember that we really (really, really, really, really, really) disliked the surgeon who handled my port surgeries. We totally lucked out and got Dr. H yesterday who handled the colon part of my major surgery. He's our age, gives me high fives, and kind of treats us as if he's come over to our house for a chat when he comes into our hospital room. He also somehow managed to remember Brian's name after one surgery 3 months ago which earns him a whole lot of bonus points. And if you happen to ever plan to be a doctor, I'll let you in on a little secret. A quick leg pat or foot squeeze as well as a smile and eye contact goes a long way when you stop by to say hi in the Operating Room.

While I was in the holding area before surgery, they brought in a very, very elderly woman who was completely out of her head. As the anesthesiologist was asking me all the appropriate questions, the little lady was calling for help (and not getting any, by the way, although that could have something to do with the fact that she was asking for a piece of pizza). After asking several times, she let loose with, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." It struck me as incredibly funny, and I had a very hard time not giggling hysterically.

Later on, that same little lady refused to take out her dentures and it was very interesting to watch the medical student and resident try their darnedest to get her to cooperate. She kept trying to take items out of their pocket and at one point succeeded. It provided a whole bunch of entertainment as I watched them try every trick they had up their sleeve to get her to let go, including going through an entire routine of pretending to just meet her and asking if she wanted to shake their hand. I've got to hand it to them - they were very patient.

She also sang John Jacob Jingleheimerschidt repeatedly. Serious entertainment, people.

And, finally, as cute Hormel (my male Recovery nurse) wheeled me back to my room, worked on paperwork, and then started to transfer me back to my own bed, he said, "now don't forget your underwear and socks." I looked down and saw a pair of dirty socks and blue boxers with stars on them. Hmmm, funny thing. THEY WEREN'T MINE. Apparently, they'd put me back on the wrong bed after the surgery. We've decided to get a really good laugh out of it and ignore the ick factor.

I'll be back later (or tomorrow) with actual info. There are a whole lotta changes, people, as a result of this week in the hospital.


Joy said…
Hope the changes are all good! What an interesting stay in the hospital you have had - all you need is another tornado warning! LOL,

Praying you are going home soon and no more hospital stays!
Amy said…
The drama with the elderly lady sounds hilarious, especially the denture episode. You can tell Becky that Micah has lots of "fun" to look forward to! On a more serious note, I'm glad the surgery is behind you and hope there are good changes on the way. Last night I had you on my mind when I was up with Lukas and prayed for you while I was rocking him. I was so glad to see an update from you this morning! Hope today is a good day!
Love that you have kept your sense of humor. I always tell myself when something kind of bad or weird happens....this will be great on the blog! I'm cracking up at that old lady giving those doctors hell. I hope that's how I am when I get old.
Karen said…
No joke, I was awake at 2 a.m. today thinking, "at least no one is waxing the floors in the hallway!" I hope that part is over. Glad the surgery is behind you, too. You are amazingly good at finding the humor in everything. I hope you just keep getting better!!
KrisJ said…
Ok despite the fact that you have had a seriously suckie icky week.. or more you crack me up! Im glad you at least get some good entertainment while you are held up in there!
How can you leave us hanging like that!??!!? :)

Seriously though, I wish I could put a hidden camera on you somehow... this has me in stitches.

(It's good changes right?!?!)
Elizabeth Frick said…
Oh Melissa, I'm loving this post for so many reasons, but most of all to see that you have a sense of humor despite all this headache! And my goodness, with that hilarious woman, how could you not?!
When my dad was in the hospital (for what seemed like an eternity to all of us) after his stroke, I definitely learned that nurses are incredible people who are grossly underpaid. It's amazing! I'm glad you've had some great ones :)
And seriously... the waxing? The absolute rudest! Sheesh!
Alex said…
The hospital is never a good place to rest! It is like another planet! :) In my former (pre-kid) life I was a nurse and saw and heard the craziest stuff ever!!! Even despite your bad circumstances you find a positive and funny side to it all! What a great example you are to all of us! Praying you get outta there soon and heal quickly!
Mayme said…
Love the socks and boxers story. Wonder what the person who got yours instead of his thought?
Laura said…
Well, at least you got some good laughs in! I hope everything that has changed is great! Thanks for the camera help and YES, we need to get our girls together to play!!! How much fun that would be! I am sure your house is on a count down to school as mine is too. :( Hope to hear good things and see you soon.
Grace said…
freaky, drug-induced dreams are the worst! eek!
and my goodness, the boxers that weren't yours??...eeewwww...
and the old lady is just too much!
love the fact that you are able to find bits of things to keep you amused during your stay! praying for you!!!

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