Since I've now had two significant cancer-related tests in a short period of time, I am learning that there is an inevitable post-result crash. It's almost as if I'm not aware of how hard my mind and body are fighting against the anxiety until the results are in (and thank heavens for good results two times in a row now). I feel such a sense of relief at the good news, but to be perfectly honest, what I mostly feel is exhaustion. I felt so good at how I was handling the wait this time around. But then Tuesday morning hit, and I could feel the worry creep in and start to bubble up inside. I finally resorted first to a frantic call to my sister, then chocolate, a bubble bath, and Xanax Tuesday night.
Even after I got the results yesterday morning, I couldn't relax. In part because of the knowledge that we'll do this all over again in 4 weeks, and in part because I have several friends either beginning chemo again or waiting on their own results.
But 24 hours later my emotions are beginning to even out. Laundry, dirty dishes, meals to prepare, and family to take care of have a way of normalizing things. Maybe in 4 weeks, I'll be able to skip the anxiety part and go straight to the good results.
Oh, and did I mention we saw this cute face in Korea 5 years ago yesterday? We did. And while she might be twice this size with alot more hair, she still has the same sparkle in her eye that she did 5 years ago in a little apartment smack dab in the middle of Seoul, South Korea.