Friday update and a laugh
So yesterday was hard. Not physically, although that sick chemo feeling had settled into the pit of my stomach by early afternoon and as usual on a chemo day, I cried at the drop of a hat. You know, over Duets, commercials, the movie Warriors, the Bible Verse I read.
It is hard to be surrounded by sick people, really sick people. Women with no hair but who are still hopeful because they're in their first set of treatment and are clinging to that 80% statistic that says their cancer will be gone when they finish. Women with thinning hair and even thinner bodies who have had several recurrences and are going downhill fast. Out of the 11 women in the chemo room yesterday, all but 2 of them are on extended chemo. I was the healthiest person in there by far. I had to keep repeating to myself, "they're not me."
I sat next to a woman only a few years older than myself who has 6 children, 3 of them adopted from Ethiopia whose cancer has spread to her liver. She was so tired and down. I was shocked to see another (youngish) woman that I used to see last year each chemo treatment. Her looks had changed/deteriorated so much I barely recognized her.
I want to believe that I'm going to be fine, healthy for many more years, but it's much harder to convince myself of that when I'm surrounded by the proof that I probably won't be. It's the first time in my life that I was actually glad of my healthier (a.k.a. chubbier) body because I don't look like I have cancer. I have a feeling that could change.
Both doctor's appointments were uneventful, other than the fact that I had to wait almost an hour in the exam room for Dr. W - something that rarely happens. I found myself singing and reciting Psalm 46:1-2 in my head as I struggled not to become too emotional. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea . . ."
Today shouldn't be tough. Headed back into Nashville for my breast MRI, and I said yes to the Valium that's always offered (never have taken it before). After that I'll go back to Dr. W's office for my Neulasta shot and then we're planning on a trip to World Market just to browse as well as T.J. Maxx. I'm on a 3 year search for the perfect white purse. :) I know that after today I'll probably be stuck on the couch for the next 3-4 days so I want to be out and about first.
You can thank Camden for this picture of us yesterday.
And because these last 2 posts have been way too depressing, how about a Youtube video that had me and Brian, Becky and Micah nearly rolling in the floor with tears after we watched it. A couple of times.
This one first.
Followed by this one.