Friday update and a laugh

So yesterday was hard. Not physically, although that sick chemo feeling had settled into the pit of my stomach by early afternoon and as usual on a chemo day, I cried at the drop of a hat. You know, over Duets, commercials, the movie Warriors, the Bible Verse I read.

It is hard to be surrounded by sick people, really sick people. Women with no hair but who are still hopeful because they're in their first set of treatment and are clinging to that 80% statistic that says their cancer will be gone when they finish. Women with thinning hair and even thinner bodies who have had several recurrences and are going downhill fast. Out of the 11 women in the chemo room yesterday, all but 2 of them are on extended chemo. I was the healthiest person in there by far. I had to keep repeating to myself, "they're not me."

I sat next to a woman only a few years older than myself who has 6 children, 3 of them adopted from Ethiopia whose cancer has spread to her liver. She was so tired and down. I was shocked to see another (youngish) woman that I used to see last year each chemo treatment. Her looks had changed/deteriorated so much I barely recognized her.

I want to believe that I'm going to be fine, healthy for many more years, but it's much harder to convince myself of that when I'm surrounded by the proof that I probably won't be. It's the first time in my life that I was actually glad of my healthier (a.k.a. chubbier) body because I don't look like I have cancer. I have a feeling that could change.

Both doctor's appointments were uneventful, other than the fact that I had to wait almost an hour in the exam room for Dr. W - something that rarely happens. I found myself singing and reciting Psalm 46:1-2 in my head as I struggled not to become too emotional. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea . . ."

Today shouldn't be tough. Headed back into Nashville for my breast MRI, and I said yes to the Valium that's always offered (never have taken it before). After that I'll go back to Dr. W's office for my Neulasta shot and then we're planning on a trip to World Market just to browse as well as T.J. Maxx. I'm on a 3 year search for the perfect white purse. :) I know that after today I'll probably be stuck on the couch for the next 3-4 days so I want to be out and about first.

You can thank Camden for this picture of us yesterday.


And because these last 2 posts have been way too depressing, how about a Youtube video that had me and Brian, Becky and Micah nearly rolling in the floor with tears after we watched it. A couple of times.

This one first.

Followed by this one.

You're welcome.


Kimberly said…
Thank you for being real... for sharing it all. Like so many others, I wish I could take it all away. But in the absence of that, I just pray for your strength. And I pray that you are able to be a source of hope and love for those other women.
Julie said…
I have been following your blog for awhile, we get your newsletter from the fwb mission board and that is how I found your blog. Please know that I am praying for you, I love the authentic and transparent way your share your thoughts. Keep your chin up and know that complete strangers are calling out your name before the Throne.
Monica said…
I think Camden has your photography skills! He did a great job.
Joan B said…
whenever I read your blog I am humbled. Thinking of you and your family and hoping for minimal side effects and maximum effectiveness.
Lisa S. said…
omgosh !! i have been laughing and singing this song all day long !!! haha
thanks for the laugh. and God Bless you for your humbleness.
Shannon said…
I'm a long time blog stalker but I've met Camden in real lifeat pvcs when I spoke to the elementary school about being a missionary in Japan. You are an incredible inspiration to me and I really appreciate your willingness to be so "real" . Please know that you are being prayed for in Tokyo today. On a totally unrelated note, if you need another laugh, look up "backing up interview" on you tube followed by "backing up song iTunes version". But be warned, the song will permanently implant itself in your head and you'll find yourself singing it for months. This may be an old video but I just saw it and it still makes me laugh! Praying you have a restful and comfortable weekend!
Beth B. said…
That video was hilarious, Melissa!! Thanks so much for sharing. And as always, every single one of your pictures is gorgeous! I'm still praying for you!
Vicky said…
The harsh reality is just so bitter to swallow sometimes. I've been sporting my wig waiting for my hair to fill back in, and today when I go in I thought, I won't be able to wear my wig... I will look like a cancer patient. Its so weird- I know we are cancer patients- but I too feel like I am doing okay when I don't look too sick.

But that video- oh my word- cannot wait till my brother sees it...

Sending love and healing prayers for your week...
I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through those treatments. Your faith and love always amazes me.
Krista said…
Those videos are hilarious! Thnk you for sharing them! I'm sure a good laugh feels good.

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