Life as a Lewis

Since I've now had two significant cancer-related tests in a short period of time, I am learning that there is an inevitable post-result crash. It's almost as if I'm not aware of how hard my mind and body are fighting against the anxiety until the results are in (and thank heavens for good results two times in a row now). I feel such a sense of relief at the good news, but to be perfectly honest, what I mostly feel is exhaustion. I felt so good at how I was handling the wait this time around. But then Tuesday morning hit, and I could feel the worry creep in and start to bubble up inside. I finally resorted first to a frantic call to my sister, then chocolate, a bubble bath, and Xanax Tuesday night. Even after I got the results yesterday morning, I couldn't relax. In part because of the knowledge that we'll do this all over again in 4 weeks, and in part because I have several friends either beginning chemo again or waiting on their own results. But 24 hours

I finally heard from Dr. W's office this morning, and my CA125 is resting comfortably at 14.1, down from 17 in December and 19 in January. Let's all breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy life until I go back March 21 for the next test. As is usual after waiting for test results, I find myself so tired. Based on the way my body and mind feel, waiting must be terribly hard work. I think I will take advantage of the quiet house on this cold rainy day and find time to maybe take a nap! Thanks for all the prayers, friends.

Camden: When I grow up, I hope I get to work with animals. Rory: You mean like a vegetarian? Am I jinxing myself by admitting that I feel better physically than I have since last July when I had to restart chemo? It's kind of amazing how I have felt progressively better over the last few weeks. Rory: When I turn 7, I am going to WILD. We've reinstated Friday as game night in 2013, and Camden is hilarious (or infuriating depending on how you look at it) as he spends most of the time making sure the cards on kept in a perfectly neat pile. Over the last 2 years, my TV viewing has definitely veared more toward the lighter side. Reality TV, comedies, etc. And I find myself not being interested at all in romantic dramas or comedies where perfect people have perfect endings. My most recent TV show (I've somehow managed to watch the entire season in the last 2 weeks) is Guys With Kids on NBC. Pretty family friendly and makes me laugh. Camden and Rory have fal

Friday night started with the realization that if Camden was going to play baseball this year, tryouts were Saturday and we'd better get with it! Considering no one in this house had picked up any baseball gear since the end of season last year (we are bad, bad sport parents), Brian and Camden hit the back yard to throw a few balls around. Rory, of course, wanted in on the action. Brian says she actually had improved alot from last year and if we weren't on a one-kid-in-a-sport-at-a-time kind of family, she'd be great at softball (which she is old enough to play this year). Camden started off Friday night game night with a Yahtzee. Lucky. Unfortunately for him, I totally won the game. Saturday Brian took him squirrel hunting for the very first time (totally disgusting in this mama's opinion) and he shot and killed his first squirrel. I'll spare you the picture, although if you're a friend of Brian's on Facebook, you've already se

I always crack up at my blog statistics when I'm waiting for test results. Instead of 150-200ish hits a day, they jump to something along the lines of 800ish as all of my friends wait for results along with me. (And, for the record, I never check blog statistics; they show up automatically in my set-up.) Anyway, feel free to go about your regular schedule because I won't know anything until Monday. Ish. I think I mentioned before that Dr. W changed offices/hospitals. What I might not have mentioned is that out of approximately 15 staff members, only 3 made the switch with him so, as you can imagine, it's quite a different scene these days. All of what made going to an oncologist palatable is not there anymore. No one knows me. There's no chit chat with the receptionist, scheduler, nurses, techs, etc. All my favorite people are gone, although the new nurse I met yesterday has promise. She was very sweet and kind and actually said to me on the way out that she hoped

This afternoon I'll be walking into Dr. W's office to have my port flushed and for blood work, specifically my CA125 level. It has been exactly 2 months today since my last chemo appointment, and I have to say that I am finally, finally feeling better and I am not ready to give that up. I randomly came across a blog yesterday (and I say randomly a little tongue-in-cheek because I don't believe it was random at all), and when I read her words, they knocked me over. It was as if God was whispering them to me with such clarity. Over the last few days, the idea behind the following paragraphs has been whirling around in my head, but I couldn't quite grab hold of it. Until I read her words. I tried to think of a way to rewrite them for myself, but in the end just decided to copy and paste and hope that you'll find some beauty in them for yourself. (Mrs. Gore's Diary) It is now Saturday afternoon, and I am happy to report that, for now, all seems to be wel

Oh, Downton Abbey, how could you? Without mentioning specific spoilers in case you're one of the few people left in the world not watching, I knew that a certain character wasn't returning to the show so I watched with bated breath over the last few episodes waiting for disaster. And the season finale certainly brought disaster. When I saw the car racing towards home in the last few seconds, I knew what was coming. And what it brought to mind is that we're always *this* close to disaster (picture my fingers pinched together) at any given moment and maybe we should be a little more grateful each day we're together with our friends and family. Camden at supper the other night: "I dread the day when I'm old enough to drive because that means I can't read in the car anymore." Something tells me his tune is going to change as he gets a little closer to driving age. Ever since Rory's Pooh-rific weekend, "Oh, bother" has be

So if you're on Instagram, you may have seen most of these (although a few never made it there). And if you're not following me and want to, my name is lifeasalewis. Original, right? ;) Rory photobombing me on the way to church yesterday. A sweet friend sent me this super cute fluffy owl. Rory has almost claimed it as her own, but I won't let her. Rory going through all her loot after Valentine's Day. Rory helped me put away some scrapbooking pages in albums last weekend, and she kept saying how much she loves "scrapbooking with you, mama." It's a good reminder of why I actually scrapbook and preserve our memories when the kids look through the books. They don't care about the pretty page or how technically perfect or imperfect the photos are; they care about the pictures and the journaling. And speaking of those scrapbook pages, I was under the impression that I finally had everything in albums. Until I found this package

Haven't done one of these in a while. As in, not since 2012. ;) Outside my window: sunny skies right now, but I can see dark clouds approaching I am thinking: that I need to stop thinking about my CA125 blood test next week I am thankful for: a 3-day weekend I am wondering: why on earth they salted the roads yesterday afternoon when it was 59 degrees outside. (Why, yes, we *do* live in a southern state.) Last 3 purchases: black/white Chevron curtain s from Urban Outfitters, Olive paper pack , this heart-shaped sandwich cutter . Dinner plans: Cheesy Chicken Vegetable Soup, a surprisingly delicious Weight Watcher's recipe Future plans I'm looking forward to: taking Rory to get her ears pierced Monday (shhhhh, she doesn't know!) Kid funny: Camden's teacher posted this on my FB timeline yesterday. "Camden's lunch was very cute today! While he was eating the cheese hearts, he pulled one out and said "I bet this one will ta

After spending 4 out of the last 5 days home alone with a sick girl (which is ALOT of alone time), I've kind of allowed myself to feel a little down and out. Silly since I have nothing to be discouraged about. Missing Camden's first concert (Winter Jam), church, lunch with friends, and then a fun Valentine's Day event are really nothing. And I totally mean that. I wouldn't have meant it yesterday, but today things are feeling a little more in perspective. I heard someone say recently (I think it might have been Kelly  Ripa - don't judge!) that Valentine's Day wasn't really about romantic love for them anymore, but about showing love to their family and so I decided to go that route this year. I got up early and made heart-shaped red velvet pancakes with homemade buttermilk syrup. Oh. My. Stars. So good! I told Brian ahead of time so he could plan to be home for breakfast (although he ended up having to help me get it all on the table on time). And the

How is it that my children's bathroom seems to (a) never run out of toilet paper and (b) have the same bottle of soap and shampoo for 3 months? Something tells me they are not using either very regularly despite daily bathing. Speaking of baths/showers, I have a question for those of you with girls. Camden was taking showers on his own at age 5. Rory still doesn't, mainly because after lots of lessons and trial runs, she still can't get her hair clean. (Camden's hair at age 5 was just a buzz so there was nothing to get clean really.) But Rory has very thick hair, and as we've been letting it grow, she just can't quite get her little fingers all the way through the way to scrub and then rinse. So after about 6 weeks of letting her do it on her own, I'm back to doing it all for her. Just curious as to what my expectations should be for a 6 and a half year old. I made a truly southern meal for the first time for supper last night: ham and pinto beans.

Rory woke up this morning with a 101 degree fever. I shouldn't be surprised since for the last couple of weeks she's had the same nasty pneumonia-type cough she had a couple of months ago. In fact if she wasn't significantly better by tomorrow, I was planning to take her in to see Dr. H. Now that she's running a fever, I'll definitely be taking her. I'd call myself the worst mom on the planet again, but until this morning there's been no fever and despite the cough, she's been full steam ahead. After a full day alone with her yesterday (that's a story for another day) and with the whole day stretching out in front of us today, I've seen my share of Tinkerbell and princess movies so I've resorted to sharing my iPad. In our family, kids only get the iPad in emergency situations and I'm thinking this definitely qualifies. Becky and I decided that we were going to commit to the monthly favorite page about ourselves challenge (via