The Verdict Is In

I saw Dr. C today for my monthly exam and chemo. It was also scan result day, and I could tell by all the questions the nurse had for me that my results were not good. Dr. C was very sober and informed me that I have one spot that grew (the one near my liver), one spot that decreased in size, and the rest stayed the same. Personally, that feels like a bit of a win (especially since my CA125 was down from last month), but Dr. C insists that it means the Doxil is not working, and she's the expert. She also says that I am not taking my skin condition (which is currently in horrific shape, and I'm in the middle of yet another flare-up) seriously enough and that it means that the toxicity of Doxil is more detrimental to my body than helpful for the cancer.

I am beginning a new regimen tonight, but it will be a twice daily pill instead of a monthly infusion. She says it would have been her next choice for me, and it also allows me to pursue clinical trials. The side effects *should* be minimal.

I have mixed feelings about this. In one sense, it feels strange to come home without chemo. But it also feels freeing to know that I should be feeling better soon. If I allowed the fear to creep in, I could definitely be afraid of what's to come knowing that yet another drug did not work. I could be very afraid of the clinical trial process and what the side effects and long days of testing will look like.

But, for now, I'm going to focus on the fact that the next month should be easier, my skin should start to recover, and I should feel well for the upcoming spring break and visit from Becky, William, and Xavier.

We took advantage of the afternoon not spent in a chemo chair and had lunch at Five Points Pizza - delicious - and went car shopping. Brian's poor vehicle is held together by duct tape (literally) and has no heat or air - it is well past time to replace it.