It's Official

My cancer is not any more serious today than it was yesterday. I do not feel any worse today than I did yesterday (better, in fact). I am not more sick today than yesterday. But today I officially look like a cancer patient. Which I guess I am, but so far it's been fairly easy to conceal my scars and diagnosis from the outside world. I have shed alot of tears over the loss of my hair over the past 6 weeks, but today when I finally went to see my stylist and had her shave it off, I didn't cry. My sister says that the dread of being bald is actually worse than the reality, and although it's only been a couple of hours, I think she might be right. I'm not gonna say that this is fun. In fact, it's kinda ugly to be a 35 year old woman with stubble on your head (here's hoping that will go away), and it's actually really, really cold. But as I keep telling the kiddos (and reminding myself in the process), it means that the chemo is working its way through my body and that same chemo that made my hair go away is also going to make the cancer go away.  I'm not gonna promise that I won't shed more tears over my hair over the next year or so, but for today I am mostly okay.

051711

And because Brian never makes the blog, but helped with the picture. :)
051711_2

Comments

Krista said…
You are so beautiful my dear.
-Stacy and Ted said…
I am so sorry about your hair, but I gotta say you look absolutely BEAUTIFUL and that's the truth!!!
Brenda Shearon said…
Look at all that extra time you will have in the mornings - no hair dryer, curling iron, hairspray, etc. You will save money on shampoo and conditioner for a while:) Seriously, I'm sure you will miss these things, but like you said this means the chemo is working. You still look great! Hope Camden and Rory are "ok" with it. By the way, you and Brian have the same do now:)
Mayme said…
It's done! Way to go girl. Of course you can pull off the scarve look without any problem!

You have been on my mind all day.
christie palmore said…
Over the past several weeks I have honestly prayed for you more than I have ever prayed for anyone except my kids and that has been no exception today. I think you are truly amazing and one of the most beautiful people I have ever met with or without the scarf. I hope Brian and the kids can see your way of thinking that this means that the chemo is working.
Anonymous said…
You look STUNNING, Melissa!!! For real!!!! I'm sure a few more tears will be shed, but you honestly look amazing.
Melissa- I lost my hair due to a stupidity-induced dyeing my hair blonde incident when I was newly engaged to Keith. I transferred to his college and met all of his extended family and professors and friends completely bald. I was mortified because people often thought I had cancer and would offer me sympathy... and of course I had no right to accept their sympathy! All that to say... I understand how much we, as women, value our hair. It is such an important part of us and our identity. But after I accepted the loss of hair, I found it kind of empowering. I hope- despite yours being for a much more serious reason than mine- you can find that same empowerment. I hope that isn't a weird thing to say and you don't think I'm crazy!! And I am pretty sure all of us would also cry!! Your scarf is pretty, though, and you are completely rocking it!
Heidi Welch said…
You look so lovely! Think of all the fashion coordination you can do with your head scarves and your outfits now! :) Stay strong.
You are so beautiful, Melissa. Both inside and out!!

Praying that God brings you peace and comfort in the days that feel too overwhelming and hard and scary. Hugs to you!
Becky said…
You look beautiful, Melissa. and yes, the stubble does go away...I remember being a bit irritated about that part, thinking I just might have shaved it for nothing.
It is a hard day and certainly okay to shed a few tears.
Much love to you,
B
Elizabeth Frick said…
While my heart aches for all that you're going through, I have to say that you look beautiful both ways! And as Mayme said "it's done!" I've found that in life, often times the anticipation of something awful happening is worse than the thing itself. Hopefully that will be the case for you for the foreseeable future.
I bet it *is* cold!
joelsgirl said…
You look great bald. So does your man. ; )
Laurie said…
You look beautiful! I know how hard it can be and how losing your hair makes it all so real. I went through Chemo right as i was graduating from highschool and attended my graduation with a wig on. Had to be the windiest day of the year! You will look back on this as I do now. Even though i said I would never complain about a bad hair day once my hair grew back, I still do :)
I knew it... You. ROCK. that look!!! You are simply beautiful.

I am sorry about your hair though. I'd be crying too... but you look so healthy that I bet some people just think you are expressing yourself.

That said, I think you and Brian should have a photo shoot while you are both rocking the same look. I think the photos would be special and sentimental on so many reasons.

PS - I LOVE that scarf!
Joy said…
You look so beautiful! Can't wait to see all the adorable scarves and new fashionable looks you will be sporting!

Been thinking about you all day.
You. Are. Fabulous. And you are rocking that scarf. The end.
Amanda said…
I am so sorry about your hair but so thankful that the chemo is doing it's job and I must say you are so amazingly beautiful -- Hair or no hair.
Cathy Keller said…
Melissa - you look beautiful with or without hair. Can't wait to see your different scarves!!!
M said…
The look of steely determination in your eyes is AMAZING! This too shall pass & you'll be stronger than ever!!! Sending many thoughts & prayers to you, Melissa!
Kelly said…
Melissa, you are beautiful.
Wendy said…
Melissa, You are stunningly beautiful...truly!!! Big hugs to you!!
Lewis Lewis said…
Everyone has said whatI intended. But, heard once, " God made a few pretty heads and put hair on the rest. You got both, beautiful head and hair to envy. I will grow back.Bless you and family.
KrisJ said…
It sucks ducks for sure, I cant imagine, and not only have you done it with good spirits your doing it with style baby! You are an inspiration.
I am so sorry for the loss of your hair, of your time and health and all the other crap that has gone with this dang stuff. But I appreciate you and the way you are lifting us all with your strength.
Kimberly said…
Ok, I'm not gonna lie, I'm totally crying right now...but mostly because I think you look stunning! Seriously, stunning! I cannot even begin to tell you Melissa what an example of strength and pure love you have been to me, though we have never met in real life. And I will continue to keep you in thought and prayer as you continue this journey!
Grace said…
i just love your attitude and am so blessed by the way YOU've encouraged ME through this. and today is no exception.
you look beautiful. and that scarf is gorgeous, too. :)
as they say in korea (though i don't know exactly why...), FIGHTING!
Annie B. said…
I have been thinking about you all day today. You rock the scarve like you did the wig:) You are truely amazing and sooooo beautiful. Inside and out.
Laura said…
What an inspiration! I have been nervous for you. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think about you and the kids. Praying for you daily!
lisa hanscom said…
Beautiful! I remember the day my hair started falling out in the shower and the day (months later) that it started to grow back. Darker, curlier, but HAIR! Your hair will come back. Your health will come back. You will weather this and you will be looking back before you know it. Blessings to you and your sweet family. Be strong sister! You are in the prayers of so very many...
Anonymous said…
You look beautiful with and without hair. (((HUGS)))
Christine
Kelly said…
You are the beautiful face of courage and strength...
Hugs kelly
kerry said…
I'm a lurker of your blog via my fellow AP friend online and real life, Christine. I have found myself looking forward to your posts and hoping that you are well.

You are so very beautiful.
Anonymous said…
Can not see pic here at work. Don't have to. Know you look great!! Wanted u to know Peyt in band and was sooo impressed with your sheet music Sunday. He leaned over and said Woah thats a long piece of music:) Angel
Brenda Lewis said…
I was watching the clock knowing when your appointment was. You look so good. The scarf is very attractive on you. We hate what you are having to go through but know it is necessary. Being most difficult for you, but also for all who love you so. We're so thankful knowing all the prayers that are going up for you.
Brian Lewis said…
I knew it would happen eventually...no, I'm not talking about Melissa losing her hair. I'm talking about my picture in this post. You see, when Melissa says I "helped" with the picture that means I stand where she wants to be photographed so she can adjust the settings on her camera. So that is why there is a picture of me just standing there looking stupid.

As to the hair loss. I couldn't agree more...Melissa is beautiful! I convinced her to wear one of my hunting stocking caps around the house last night, and I REALLY liked the look! Beautiful!
listgirl said…
You look beautiful in that scarf Melissa! My mom also chose scarfs over wigs during her chemo. You actually look radiant.
Janet said…
Ooooh, I remember this moment during my cancer journey as well. When it started REALLY falling out...I had my husband shave the rest of it all off. The thought of going bald freaked me out way more than when it actually happened. I also agree...it was DANG cold having no hair. Now...when your hair eventually grows back (I was a total cue ball for 10+ months) you can proudly say you have had every hairstyle out there, including NONE. I will tell you something else...since that time I have NEVER complained about having a "bad hair day" again. Hair doesn't make you beautiful....YOU make you beautiful!
Paula said…
Melissa you are so beautiful inside and out!
Dizzy said…
You are rockin that bandana lady!!! You still look as beautiful as ever:)
Amy said…
I'm so sorry about your hair, Melissa, but you look so beautiful!! Now you must post a picture of you in that hunting stocking cap Brian mentioned! :)
Alex said…
I hate that this chemo has to do so much bad to make you better, but you ARE beautiful and you WILL persevere! Praying for you!
Unknown said…
You look gorgeous!!!!!!
Sara said…
You look SO beautiful.

Popular posts from this blog

The Scoop

Late Night Ramblings

Scenes from the Soccer Field