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Friday, April 12, 2013

Scan Results

I answered my phone yesterday late morning and heard Dr. W's voice on the line, which caused my heart to skip more than a few beats. He's never called before; only the nurse or assistant. He wanted me to know that my scan looked fine. Absolutely no change for good or for bad so we're going to stay in this holding pattern for 3 more months. I could hear some surprise in his voice about my results.

While everyone around me rejoices, I feel my blood pressure rising and the disappointment filling my soul. I know this is good news, but the unexpected disappointment tells me that subconsciously I've still been  hoping that this cancer would just be done already. That I wouldn't have to worry about blood tests and scans and scar tissue pain. That I might finally stop aching and feeling "like an old lady" as Dr. W so delicately put it yesterday. I'd really like to be normal again.

I always know when Becky responds to my texts/calls with scan results that my disappointment will be matched only by hers. She gets that the news of no change will never be good enough. But no change is the good news that I need to learn to live with and be grateful for. I've had kind of a "woe is me" attitude this week, but a good night's sleep and the sunshine this morning helps. 

And a second cup of coffee after a walk with a friend.

These two really wanted this picture on the blog so here ya go!
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Have a great weekend. We've got baseball, Addison-watching, and yard-tending to do.

8 comments:

Cheryl said...

So glad to hear good news. I have been worried since you didn't post anything earlier. Still praying for you. Keep your chin up!
Cute picture!

Monica said...

Hugs! I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I'm so thankful to hear you've got another reprieve! Still praying your body continues to heal and you'll feel better each day!

Beth said...

((Hugs)) Melissa. I so wish it would just all go away. I am sure you are so tired of having to try to be positive, and having to push through your exhaustion and never feeling quite like yourself. Praying for you, as always, my friend.

Amy said...

So thankful there was no change and continuing to pray for no cancer at all! That pic is adorable and made me smile!!

Da young Neun said...

I'm glad for you :)

Renee T. said...

super funny pic of the kids :)

Vicky said...

We settle don't we? We settle for what we get, eventually, no matter how frustrating it is. Praying for you today as you "settle" into the news. That photo is a classic for sure :)

Christine said...

I'm happy for you, but I can also understand where you are at. Wishing I could give you a big hug.