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Thursday, May 02, 2013

Phil. 1:6

I sent my kids off to school a little while ago (after a morning full of arguments and unkind words between them, a recurring theme these days), and read this verse:

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

It hit me straight in the heart that being Camden and Rory's mama is my good work that I can carry on to completion. I can't give up. And I've got Someone on my side who will help me make the right choices. Parenting is so hard. Most days I can't wait for bedtime (theirs!) so that I can relax and not feel as if everything little thing I say is going to determine their memory of me. It's good to remember we're not alone in this parenting job we've undertaken.

I also uploaded these pictures from my camera this morning, and it was such a perfect reminder that sometimes they do love on each other the way I want them to. They wanted to play outside Tuesday after school, and when I went out to check on them Camden was oh-so-patiently throwing the ball back and forth with Rory. And instead of being frustrated at her, he was so kind and sweet as he gave her instructions. Believe me when I say: this. does. not. always. happen.
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And then they grabbed a Connect 4 game to play. Once again, they were both so sweet to each other as they played.
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And then these pictures and the way I was feeling reminded me of a day back in December 2011 when photos affected me in a similar way. It was a couple of months after completing my 6 rounds of the big time chemo, followed by finding out that the chemo hadn't worked and starting up a new regimen. The kids were going through a particularly good phase in terms of playing together, wanting to be together. If you're a parent, then you know this kind of phase doesn't happen often or last long, but in this case it had been going on for a while.

In my guilt over being sick for so long, I had convinced myself that they were so happy together because we had abandoned them. I wasn't as available as I'd been in the past to cuddle, read, spend one-on-one time. I had spent much of the previous months either in the chemo chair or sacked out on the couch barely able to move. But I remember December 19 vividly. Camden and Rory were wrestling in the computer room, laughing uncontrollably, just genuinely enjoying each other's company. And when I uploaded the pictures from that day, it struck me that this is just a good phase. These are not the faces of kids who feel abandoned or not important. These are not the faces of children with a horrible mother. They just really love each other right now.
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Sometimes I just need a reminder to keep trying. This was it for me today.

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6


2 comments:

Angie said...

I needed this today! This has been a rough week at our house with the kids fighting. Then final exams started today at the college so there's been lots of stress all around. Parenting is hard and it's good to have this reminder!

Christine said...

I'm leaking tears right now. Very much needed today. Thank you.