Phil. 1:6

I sent my kids off to school a little while ago (after a morning full of arguments and unkind words between them, a recurring theme these days), and read this verse:

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

It hit me straight in the heart that being Camden and Rory's mama is my good work that I can carry on to completion. I can't give up. And I've got Someone on my side who will help me make the right choices. Parenting is so hard. Most days I can't wait for bedtime (theirs!) so that I can relax and not feel as if everything little thing I say is going to determine their memory of me. It's good to remember we're not alone in this parenting job we've undertaken.

I also uploaded these pictures from my camera this morning, and it was such a perfect reminder that sometimes they do love on each other the way I want them to. They wanted to play outside Tuesday after school, and when I went out to check on them Camden was oh-so-patiently throwing the ball back and forth with Rory. And instead of being frustrated at her, he was so kind and sweet as he gave her instructions. Believe me when I say: this. does. not. always. happen.

And then they grabbed a Connect 4 game to play. Once again, they were both so sweet to each other as they played.

And then these pictures and the way I was feeling reminded me of a day back in December 2011 when photos affected me in a similar way. It was a couple of months after completing my 6 rounds of the big time chemo, followed by finding out that the chemo hadn't worked and starting up a new regimen. The kids were going through a particularly good phase in terms of playing together, wanting to be together. If you're a parent, then you know this kind of phase doesn't happen often or last long, but in this case it had been going on for a while.

In my guilt over being sick for so long, I had convinced myself that they were so happy together because we had abandoned them. I wasn't as available as I'd been in the past to cuddle, read, spend one-on-one time. I had spent much of the previous months either in the chemo chair or sacked out on the couch barely able to move. But I remember December 19 vividly. Camden and Rory were wrestling in the computer room, laughing uncontrollably, just genuinely enjoying each other's company. And when I uploaded the pictures from that day, it struck me that this is just a good phase. These are not the faces of kids who feel abandoned or not important. These are not the faces of children with a horrible mother. They just really love each other right now.

Sometimes I just need a reminder to keep trying. This was it for me today.

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6