Thousand Gifts 935-959

 I had the bright idea of making a wreath for our front door, and when I saw these pretty silver and blue ornaments at Hobby Lobby, I thought that they would be perfect. Since it's mid-December and I was just getting it put together I thought maybe they could work for January too since blue might equal frosty/cold/snow/whatever. Two problems: (1) I can't make a bow to save my life so thank goodness for crafty 4th grade teachers. Brian took it to school and let his fellow teachers save me. (2) I somehow managed to forget that our front door is blue so my pretty blue ornaments kinda clash with the blue door. Oh, well. It was a good thought anyway.



We had a lovely Christmas get-together with our Sunday School class Saturday that included a white elephant gift exchange. And I love white elephant gift exchanges where you really get into the spirit and bring crazy things. It was a fun way to spend Saturday evening. And thank you to Brian who let me crash on the couch all day so I'd have the energy to have a good time.

Sunday Brian decided I needed a Christmas gift a little early and surprised me with a Keurig! I've been wanting one forever, and I have to say that the convenience of an instantly fresh hot cup of coffee is pretty fun. We both think there's kind of a weird aftertaste to the coffee, but several people have reassured me that we just need to run water through the system several times and we'll be good to go.


I've struggled alot more than usual mentally with this chemo treatment. I think it's hard to continue to stay positive when there's no end in sight. And it's becoming abundantly clear that there is no end in sight for me and chemo. I told Becky this morning that I'm really tired of being grateful for the small things. It is a constant mental struggle to not let fear overtake me, to stay positive, to be in a good mood despite everything happening.

And, of course, it's when I'm tired of working at being thankful that I need to work harder. And when we got off the phone, I pulled up my Thousand Gifts list, and was running through it before I posted and noticed #948 and #950 which I had written down last week. Clearly, I needed to read them again. I want to push forward and continue to be thankful. But it feels hard today.

And unless you've been a cancer patient, had multiple surgeries, etc, you can't understand the aches and pains that each day brings. Sometimes I just want to laugh when people ask how I'm feeling because I promise that you don't really want me to answer that honestly with my laundry list of issues. Today I'm headed to see my primary care doctor for my blood pressure and for yet another scar tissue issue - this time in a different spot. And I just feel tired by the constant presence of cancer in my life.


936. a new chemo drug to help prevent cancer from growing
937. that insurance approved it (it's very expensive)
938. late stay at school when I can't get there to pick up Camden quite on time
939. jolly baby in the Santa suit ahead of me in line at Michael's
940. Rory's hand massages
941. a warm December day
942. when Dr W called me a rock star
943. for fellow chemo patients who think I'm much younger than I really am
944. having tacos for lunch with Rory and Tina
945. " Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable." Isaiah 40:28
946. late night bursts of energy thanks to steroids
947. cute monogrammed shirts
948. this blog post on when you don't want to say thanks
949. cool breeze blowing through the house after warmer days
950. because thanksgiving is more than a holiday
951. Camden and Rory's excited faces when they see me after a day apart
952. good medical results for a friend
953. "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by." Psalms 57:1
954. a sweet owl canvas from an unexpected source
955. friends who can help out with wreath bows
956. a fun December night surrounded by friends
957. Trader Joe's European Sipping Chocolate
958. seeing Camden and Rory sing their little hearts out in the Christmas program at church