Life as a Lewis

To put it simply, Cycle #2  is kicking my tail. Friday I didn't feel too bad, just had no energy. Saturday I managed to get out of the house, but Sunday and Monday, I am camped out on the couch battling nausea and fatigue. I've never felt this way in my life, and I am really hoping this isn't the new normal because it's just bad. I feel guilty that I can't take care of the kids; honestly, I can barely tolerate their chatter and giggles because I feel so sick, and I hate it. I am determined to wake up better tomorrow. 261. finding square scarves in the $1 bin at Walmart 262. Camden and Rory both being fine with my bald head 263. calm in the midst of it all 264. the reminder that life is full of seasons and that seasons are God's reminder that things change,  that there will be trials, and that out of trials come beauty 265. blue, blue sky peeking through heavy clouds 266. that losing my hair wasn't as bad as I thought 267. for extra time in the mornings 268...

Camden and Rory just spent the last 4 hours playing outside with some church friends, and they have had the best time. It was also perfect because it allowed me to have a quiet morning/afternoon, which I kind of needed.  Becky and Rory are getting ready to make homemade fudge rounds, which sound pretty awesome. Other than that, my day consists of laying around and trying to avoid being too nauseous. :) Oh, and I should definitely mention that summer has officially begun - today was Brian's last day of school!

Writing this from my chemo room today. Yesterday was pretty good, today's not so much, but that's okay. I met with my doctor for the first time today since my treatment plan appointment (Becky came along with a whole list of questions, of course). Dr. W is really pleased with my progress. So far there's no change in all my bloodwork, which is really good. I also got the genetic testing back, and I tested negative (again). I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I'm very glad it's negative because that's better for the rest of our family. On the other hand, I was really kind of devastated to not have a *reason* for my cancer. Dr. W feels strongly that it is genetic, but it's just a link they haven't discovered yet. Becky also got to meet Sara, my chemo nurse, and we all three had a good cry when Becky thanked Sara for taking good care of me and Sara hugged her. Yes, they are both pretty great. In other very important news, I loved Hines Ward o...

Today I head back to Nashville to begin chemo #4, which officially starts my second cycle. In many ways it's easier this time because I know what to expect. It's also harder because I know what to expect, and believe me; despite the fact that I did better than expected, it's still not fun. I am hopeful that I'll manage this cycle as well as last time, but also trying to stay realistic as well. My mom and dad went home Saturday, and I thought I was ready. I was ready for my mom to be able to go home to my dad (she's been here 5 out of the last 7 weeks) and I was ready to have some time with our family of 4, but I cried like a baby. There's something just so comforting about having your mom around, and it also struck me that despite the fact that it feels like forever, I'd only made it 2 weeks at that point. The thought of 5 months overwhelmed me. I quickly was able to return to only thinking of one day at a time, but it was a little bit of a breakdown. Beck...

Everyone's been asking about my bag from here . I actually bought mine from Zuilily and got a great deal, but here is the website . And I'll just warn you, the bags are VERY cute (not to mention expensive). I've made two fresh fruit smoothies in the last week, and neither kid likes them. What is that? It was all fruit, with a little sugar, milk, and ice. It's not like I tried to sneak in extra veggies or something healthy! Camden thought that I was literally not going to leave the house until my hair grew back. I've got a little photography tip post up on The Lily Pad blog if you want to take a look. And, yes, there are new pictures. Rory just climbed up on my lap and said, "mama, I think my taste buds have changed." And, no, she does not have any idea what that means. We're starting off our summer with a bang. After staying up late last night and getting up during the night, Rory was up and jumping on her bed at 6:00 a.m. this morning. Both kid...

Today was Camden's last day of 1st grade. I find it so hard to believe that he's going to be 8 this summer. As usual, I took a quick picture before he headed off for his day of fun (literally - it was their Fun Day). It was raining outside so I made them both just step outside under the awning on the deck. And for reference sake, the first day of school. Look at how much of a difference there is (and how brown they both are after a summer outside). On the way home from school, Camden was in a very bad mood and I eventually got on to him about it. He completely broke down and sobbed because it was the last day of school. I cried with him. He was so distraught that it broke my heart. He really, really loves school and all his friends there. Even though staying in TN wasn't our plan for this year, I am very glad that one of the by-products of this new plan is that he gets to spend one more year at his school with his friends.

This post is what my friend Elizabeth calls a photo dump. Lots of random pictures that don't necessarily deserve a post of their own. He's just so darn cute. This blooper picture just completely cracked me up when I saw it. I received a package in the mail from Christine on Friday, and I just smiled the entire time I opened it. This is her long distance version of a homecooked meal - everything we need for Korean BBQ. Is that not a clever idea? And it was even packaged in a cute box, which doesn't surprise me in the least. Brian's grandparents have been in town for a visit this past week. We haven't seen them for several years so the kids have grown quite a bit since the last time they were here. Brian's Uncle Larry with the kids. And Grandma, Grandpa, and Camden after his field trip Friday. Camden came home tired, but very happy. Notice the red lips from his 24 oz. cherry slushy that he refilled at least once. Grandma and Grandpa came home very tired and ...

Last night was supposed to be date night for Brian and I (first time since Christmas I think), but after having 4 good days in a row, yesterday wasn't all that great. By the time Brian got home, I was worn out despite having done n.o.t.h.i.n.g. all day. We decided to grab some carry-out and try to catch up on Survivor. It's a well-known fact that I LOVE Survivor. I mean, seriously love Survivor. I know this is ironic considering the fact I could never actually participate in Survivor. You know Day 1 when they tell you to jump out of the boat and swim to shore? I'd quit right then and there. And I love Survivor the most when Boston Rob is playing. Yes, Brian is aware of my obsession and even enjoys him as well (although he doesn't get quite the same joy out of it that I do). So anyway, all that to say date night turned out pretty well after all. It was nice to have a few kid-free hours, relax, eat, and spend time with Brian. My parents had already planned to take Camden ...

So this boy of ours is somehow almost 8 years old, and I've just got to say that it's not the easiest of ages. Almost 8 year old boys are pretty obnoxious (just in case you haven't been around one recently). He still has sweet moments, and he's still pretty darn funny, and definitely too smart for his own good, but those obnoxious moments have been outweighing the others recently. I feel like this is one of those times as a parent that I really, really need to work on being more patient and accepting and loving him just as he is right now. We've been growing his hair out since January, and one day before school I fixed it for him (most days, there is no "fixing" allowed) and thought he looked so handsome. I grabbed the camera and in about 30 seconds had these pictures, which are pretty representative of him right now.

My cancer is not any more serious today than it was yesterday. I do not feel any worse today than I did yesterday (better, in fact). I am not more sick today than yesterday. But today I officially look like a cancer patient. Which I guess I am, but so far it's been fairly easy to conceal my scars and diagnosis from the outside world. I have shed alot of tears over the loss of my hair over the past 6 weeks, but today when I finally went to see my stylist and had her shave it off, I didn't cry. My sister says that the dread of being bald is actually worse than the reality, and although it's only been a couple of hours, I think she might be right. I'm not gonna say that this is fun. In fact, it's kinda ugly to be a 35 year old woman with stubble on your head (here's hoping that will go away), and it's actually really, really cold. But as I keep telling the kiddos (and reminding myself in the process), it means that the chemo is working its way through my body a...

Despite my chemo treatment and discomfort on Thursday, I've felt pretty good the last several days. Friday we got out and did a little grocery shopping as well as resuming our Friday night at the Mexican restaurant tradition with the kids (yes, I paid for that little escapade later LOL). Saturday was very cold and rainy so we stayed inside (and napped) and then my mom and I met Liz in Nashville and shopped for scarves (for me) and purses (for mom). We then had supper at The Cheesecake Factory, which is SO yummy if you've never been. Sunday was church, and I was able to attend all 3 services for the first time in several weeks. I continue to be so grateful that I am handling these treatments so well. Many of the others who are undergoing the same treatment seem to be having a much harder time in terms of fatigue and being able to function. Granted, my mom is here and has been wonderful to take care of housework and laundry. I know our household would not be functioning so smooth...

What? Doesn't your family wear super hero costumes and wigs every night? Okay, actually we had a family night before chemo started and let the kids each choose an activity. Rory chose a parade for her babies (insert a whole bunch of Camden's eye-rolling here) and Camden chose a Wii bowling tournament. Ton of fun and hopefully a good family memory.

. . . kind of sums up how I felt yesterday when I got out of bed, stopped a moment, and realized I felt normal. Seriously normal. No nausea, good energy, no sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, no medicinal taste in my mouth. It was amazing! I was quickly tempted to feel discouraged since yesterday was a treatment day and I knew that this normal feeling couldn't possibly last, but I decided to instead just take hope that I could feel normal again. My good energy level continued, despite my treatment yesterday, and I celebrated my first nausea-free day with a Krispy Kreme donut for breakfast (eaten during treatment, no less), 1/4th of a Qdoba chicken quesadilla (with guacamole) for lunch and ice cream at 9:00 last night. Now, that's a good day! My treatment yesterday went well, although I have to just say that having 3 liters forced into your stomach (and gaining 6.5 lbs in one afternoon) is not fun. Full, stuffed, beached whale, all come to mind, and it is quite physicall...

Mother's Day was good. Monday was not. Tuesday was better. Had a friend over for a couple of hours and even took a few pictures. Was able to enjoy Camden's baseball game Tuesday night. Wednesday has been both good and bad. I'm learning there is a fine balance between hunger pangs, nausea, and anti-nausea medicine (I've gone through an entire bottle in the last week). I don't quite have the balance quite down yet. Tuesday and Wednesday the nasty chemo taste was completely gone from my mouth, which is wonderful. Naptime is my friend. Rory has decided "scabetti" is her favorite meal, despite the fact that we have not actually eaten "scabetti" recently. Although I know it's a figment of my imagination, my hair feels shorter every day. Today we (okay, my mom) went through my closet and many, many rubbermaids of clothing that I hope to never wear again. I have now officially lost enough weight that nothing from my previous life fits, and m...

Both Camden and Rory love to Wii bowl, and Camden has been asking to do it in real life, so Saturday morning we headed out with Grandpa and Grandma for some "real" bowling. I did not participate, but sat and watched the festivities. Rory was a winner for her sheer enthusiasm. My favorite picture of the day. My mom got a strike her first time out, and Camden was congratulating her. Camden expected it to be as easy as Wii bowling and wasn't quite as successful as he wanted.

Well, from a photography standpoint, today was an epic fail (see unfocused pictures below LOL). Why do I always place so much pressure on getting perfect pictures for these occasions? I really wanted beautiful pictures, because let's be honest: I'm not going to have hair much longer. BUT. It was a lovely day with church this morning, warm weather, bright sunshine, homemade chicken and dumplings (which are one of my favorites) for lunch not only with Brian's mom, but with my own mom, as well as my sister, a trip to the park, followed by an early bedtime for the kiddos and an episode of Top Chef with Brian and my mom.  And I felt well enough for all of it. Seriously, seriously thankful for that. And seriously thankful for the blessing of having my mom with us today and the fact that I get to be Camden and Rory's mama.

I promise that one of these days this blog will get back to regularly scheduled programming full of cute Camden and Rory stories and pictures. For now, you'll have to settle for an update on me. I actually got some sleep last night, not a full night, but alot more than the previous nights. I don't feel good this morning, but I don't feel nearly as bad as I thought I would. Even managed to sit at the computer and scrap a page. It was so good to create something and find a distraction. Rory had a sobbing episode late last night worried about me and just crying that she doesn't want me to lose my hair. She has become very fixated on this, and I would appreciate prayers for her to calm down and not worry. Lilypad May BYOC And one last thing: Christine has created several new cards , and I think they are just BEAUTIFUL if you want to take a look. I've already downloaded the free Children's Day cards and printed them for the kids. Okay, one more last thing. I ...