Life as a Lewis

What I Miss About Chemo

2012-02-17T09:09:00.003-06:00

Not gonna lie. There is one thing I miss about chemo. (Actually, now that I think about it, there are two things. On the Wednesday/Thursday after chemo, my in-laws would take Camden and Rory and they would spend the night with them Wednesday and then keep both kids all day Thursday until after school time, which gave me 24 blissful quiet hours. Now, I might have been sick as a dog, but they were quiet, blissful, sick as a dog hours. Yes, I realize admitting that just made me lose Mother of the Year award.)

But that's not the part of chemo I was actually planning to mention. Shortly after I was diagnosed a friend sent us money to pay someone to clean the house while I was going through chemo. We were lucky enough to find someone locally who was sweet and very inexpensive so from June - January, she came every 2-3 weeks and left after 3 hours with my house clean from top to bottom. As any mother can relate, having the whole house clean at one time was a huge blessing. And one I am missing desperately. :)

I have felt wonderful this week. Honestly, just the best I've felt physically since my diagnosis and surgery last March. My energy level has been good. I'm not beat at the end of the day. I haven't needed pain pills for scar tissue or my back, etc. I took a walk yesterday and made it up the big hill without even being winded. But cleaning the house yesterday just about did me in.

And a couple of pictures.

Brian and Camden made this camo tent (Brian's request) with a red glitter heart (Camden's request) for Camden's Valentine's Day party at school.

My flowers from Brian - I thought this rose was so pretty.

I just love Starbucks. And it's even better when it comes in a pretty cup. My drink of choice is a non-fat salted caramel mocha with no whip (unless it's a bad day, and then there is definitely whip).

And from a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I realize I take pictures from this angle up on top of the deck alot. But they're usually happy when they're playing down in the driveway, and it's easy to coax them into looking up.

And cropped and in b/w, which I kind of love.

Rory and I are off for a playdate with Joy and Sumner. I am desperate for some adult conversation, and Rory is desperate for someone besides her mama to talk to. And since I already lost the Mother of the Year Award, I'll just say I am desperate for Rory to talk to someone else.

Not to mention I actually just told her that I wasn't accepting questions right now.

Whatnot Wednesday

2012-02-15T11:53:00.001-06:00

Tuesday's Tidbits got sidelined for Valentine's Day and frivolous shoes, so I'm joining Elizabeth in Whatnot Wednesday today.

Rory mixes her words up. She likes to use big words, but can't always remember the right way to say it. For example, at supper last night she "aba-loosely" for absolutely. And "pop goes the Wheelock" instead of "pop goes the weasel." I wish I had been writing down all the examples but because they happen so often, I think it could be a full-time job for me.

While grocery shopping Monday, Rory informed me she was dance-walking. And, yes, it involved alot of hip movement.

After listening to Camden say "peppa" rally for years, we finally decided that at 8 and a half, he should really know that it's just a pep rally.

Rory N.E.E.D.S. to be in school. That's all I'm saying.

Actually, that's not all I'm saying. We've recently discovered Elise Primavera and her book Louise the Big Cheese, and we've decided this book fits Rory to a T. In fact, pretty sure this book (and author) have made it from the library list onto the "must buy" list. Kinda like Fancy Nancy books.

I have a very unruly cowlick as well as a crazy uneven hairline currently keeping my ego in check.

After a return to their original glory a few weeks after I stopped the taxol/carboplatin chemo cocktail back in September, my eyelashes have started falling out again. I am not happy at all about this development.

Monday night while reading Jesus Calling with the kids at the supper table, I just might have shed a few tears. It was about being still and letting God speak to us, and when I asked "do you know why why we have devotions and spend quiet time with God" Camden replied, "so you can cry?"

I've recently discovered the Aarti Paarti blog, and it's just about as cute as her accent. You might remember her from 2011's season of The Next Food Network Star.

Rory and I like to watching Pioneer Woman food show. She always, "you're just like her, mommy" when they get to the blogger/photographer part. Right. I am just like Ree. :)

And so glad to finally have had time to scrap over the weekend.

The Lilypad - My Vintage Valentine

The Lilypad- Love and Grace

The Lilypad - Love and Grace (quick page from the kit).

The Lilypad - Love and Grace; Clearly there is a Love and Grace theme today - go check it out!

Michelle Coleman: Timeless (only available to LDD subscribers)

Frivolous Shoes

2012-02-14T15:30:00.000-06:00

I have officially decided to add buying a frivolous pair of shoes to my 2012 goals. I realize it's right up there in maturity with eating at a food truck, but there it is.

These pink wedge sandals are top of my list, although I just realized they're on clearance so now I'm panicking because I'll probably never see or own them. I love pink, and this is just the right shade. I wish I had a picture to share but you'll just have to click the link. Oh, these are just seriously calling my name.

These teal Seychelles pumps are also towards the top of the list. Because teal is the official ovarian cancer color, it's almost like I'm obligated to buy these. Right?

And these Ed Hardy shoes are so cute, although let's be honest: I'm never going to buy or wear these.

My budget, of course, should probably only include these Target wedges, but since I'm determined to buy a good pair of frivolous shoes, I'm not making settling for Target just yet.

And maybe these shoe choices aren't frivolous for any of you, but considering I have a pair of these Born shoes in black and brown and wear them almost exclusively during the fall/winter and my spring/summer footwear include two pairs of Born flip flops in black and brown, you can understand why the color here is shocking for my feet.

If you have favorite shoes, feel free to link me up. But only if they're not black or brown. Because my closet has p.l.e.n.t.y. of those!

Valentine's Day 2012

2012-02-14T08:40:00.001-06:00

I woke up this morning to fresh flowers on the table, coffee ready in the Moka Pot, and my body bean heating up. Of course, with the exception of flowers, that's how I wake up every morning. Yes, Brian is most definitely a keeper. The kids woke up to cards (thank you, Christine) listing things we each love about them, new books (almost always our gift of choice for the kids) and a card and candy from Gram and Gramps. We're planning heart shaped French toast for supper and I'm going to surprise them with a trip to the new bakery in town right after school. Side note: this new bakery is a very big deal. When your town boasts a couple of gas stations, 3 pizza joints, and a few fast food restaurants, an actual bakery is big news. Side note over. Rory and I are taking lunch to Brian, and Rory thinks this is the best thing ever. ;)

As you can tell, we had very dreary weather yesterday, but it didn't stop me from making the kids sit down for a picture.

The individual pics were all me; these pics together, however, were all their idea.

This one's my favorite. She was telling him how disgusting kisses are.

And a trip down memory lane from 2009.

In the words of Fancy Nancy from The Mermaid Ballet, I hope your day is thrilling . . . which means terrific and exciting all mixed together.

Moving On

2012-02-13T11:21:00.001-06:00

This is the letter Brian read to our church yesterday at the end of the morning service.

Many months ago we announced our plans to go to Texas as church planters. Shortly following that announcement, Melissa was diagnosed with cancer, and our world was turned upside down. While we were caught by surprise, God was not. In the 10 months since her diagnosis, God has blessed us beyond comprehension and given us a peace that reaches beyond our understanding. our faith has been strengthened and our eyes opened to what God has in store for us.

While God's long-term plan for us is still uncertain, God has made his short-term plan very clear to us. We are more certain than ever that God is calling us to the mission work in McKinney, Texas. While Melissa's future health is fearful for us to think about, God has reassured us again and again that this is what He is leading us to do. We are answering His call to be courageous as we step out in faith and follow His will for our lives. I have recently adopted Joshua 1:9 as my mantra, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Cancer will not defeat us and God's purpose for our family. We praise God for the healing He has brought to Melissa's body, and we continue to pray that she will be cured of her cancer. But if He chooses not to do that, we will not be discouraged because our hope is in the Lord, not in our circumstances.

We have reactivated our account with FWB Home Missions, and we hope those of you who were supporting us monthly will once again partner with us in the mission work God has called us to. Our plan is to remain at Oaklawn through the end of the month. In March, we will officially become church planters and begin traveling to other churches to raise the funds needed.

To our friends and prayer warriors, we want to say thank you. You have made an enormous impact on our lives, and you have seen first-hand God answer your prayers on our behalf. Once again, we ask you to partner with us in prayer as we begin this next chapter in our lives. Pray that we would be able to raise our support quickly. Pray that a teaching job comes available for me. Pray that God will continue to bring about healing for Melissa. Most of all, pray that God will be glorified and people saved through Clearview Church, in McKinney, TX.

I have to say that I was not sure that this dream would return to us, but after lots of prayer, we do feel strongly that moving to Texas and helping with the Clearview church plant is what God has called us to do. While my good news a week ago certainly helped confirm that this was the right plan, we had already been praying about this. After spending the last 10 years of our life at Oaklawn Church, in 2 weeks we will be leaving that ministry and moving forward.

In other news, we had a thoroughly enjoyable Friday night even though we decided to stay home even though we had a kid-free evening. I baked this dessert that has been calling my name from Pinterest for weeks, and we watched The Office reruns and got caught up on Top Chef: Texas. Brian was in bed by 7:30 and I was able to scrap away with music blaring for a couple of hours. I know not everyone is like this, but nothing revives my spirit like a few hours alone.

And look who spent the afternoon with us Saturday. Yes, we finally got to start paying back Michael and Liz for the many times they've babysat Camden and Rory for us. Pretty sure Camden and Rory were never this quiet, though.

We finally experienced some cold winter weather over the weekend so we pulled out the big coats. There's a chance of a wintery mix tonight and Brian has his fingers and toes crossed in hopes of a snow day tomorrow.

A Few Things

2012-02-10T17:00:00.000-06:00

I've had a few things floating around in my head about cancer that I wanted to document. Some of them are kind of random, but since this is my on-line journal for the family, I'm jotting them down anyway.

Ever since we got the news last week of my lower CA125 level and the 2nd break from chemo, so many people have congratulated me, texted me, emailed me, FB'd me, etc. with messages of how good God is. And He is. So good. But I've wanted to say 100 times since then that God would still have been good if my news were bad. Obviously, it's easier to celebrate when our prayers are answered the way we want, but I think the true test of our faith comes when we're able to still acknowledge His goodness to us even when the answers aren't so easy.

My diagnosis has deeply affected my children. Camden internalizes everything so I never know quite what he's thinking. He vacillates between being compassionate and sweet to seemingly hard hearted. In fact, the good news we've received twice now in the last month has been greeted by absolutely no reaction from him. Rory, on the other hand, is terrified. She cries so easily every time I'm sick. She worries and worries about every doctor's appointment. Even this week, she has cried daily with worry over my scar tissue. When my mom arrives to spend time with us, she doesn't want my mom to do anything for her, only her mama and I am sure that stems from the so many days/weeks this summer that my mom came to help us because I was absolutely unable to care for them myself. I wonder daily how this is affecting them long term. Today she said to me at lunch, "Mama, can I tell you something? I'm going to be so sad when you die." And then she sobbed. As did I. But I also reminded her of Jeremiah 29:11, which we've adopted as our family verse and I think it helped.

I recently read an article by John Piper called Don't Waste Your Cancer. It really challenged me, and I wish that I would have read it earlier in my diagnosis. It puts words to some of my thoughts as I navigated this cancer journey as well as challenging me to do better.

And along those same lines, this post by Ashley at Lil Boo Blue is similar. The particular paragraphs I relate to are towards the bottom of the post talking about choosing to be positive, choosing joy. Cause it ain't easy what she is going through and what I went through. But we can either let it overcome us and cry all the time, or we can start each day new and just put one step in front of the other.

A really good example of someone who is choosing light in the wake of cancer is Vicky.

I avoid internet research and also reading organizations with groups of cancer bloggers (Mothers with Cancer, for example). Mostly because I can't manage the statistics and reality of those who are losing their battle with cancer. I am able to move forward with my own battle by living a little bit in the dark.

I've gotten pretty good at taking one day at a time, the good and the bad. It's why I could go back to chopping vegetables last week. While I am thrilled at my most recent news of 2 months off and the thought that those tumors just might be calcified, I am also very realistic about what my future could hold. And it's okay. We'll deal with it as it comes, both the good and the bad.

And, finally, something cancer has taught me: let Rory wear the pretty clothes. No need to save them in the closet for a better occasion.

Told you this was a little random.

New Glasses

2012-02-10T08:09:00.002-06:00

After waiting much too long in between appointments, Camden finally got new glasses last week. I think they look so natural on him. Since you hardly notice the difference between the old and new look, I think it means we did a good job picking out a new pair!

Old (if I had taken this straight on, you would have seen how small - especially the arms - had gotten on his face)

New (I happen to love this picture because it's SO Camden.)

(Taken with my 70-200mm, f 2.8, 1/250 SS, ISO 500)

Brian surprised me last night by announcing he has a babysitter arranged for tonight so that we can go out for the evening. Considering I've spent most of this week holed up in yoga pants with a heating pad because of this stupid scar tissue abscess while Rory tries to get me to judge her while she plays an American Idol contestant only about 16 times a day, I was more than a little excited at the prospect of an evening with just adult conversation (especially since I thought he'd forgotten about the little Valentine's holiday next week). Not sure where we're going to go or what we're going to do but it needs to be casual since yoga pants are pretty much the only thing I can wear right now. I keep seeing Facebook posts on how people don't celebrate Valentine's Day, it's so commercialized, they don't need a day to remind them to love each other, blah, blah, blah. Anything that gets me a date and possibly a gift (or not!) is just fine with me. ;)

Have a great weekend!

Addison's photoshoot

2012-02-09T10:24:00.001-06:00

Mom and Elizabeth came over Monday with Addison, and we attempted some official newborn pictures. I don't really have proper equipment to take newborn photos so I spent lots of time crouching in front of the doorway trying to take advantage of the natural light. Mom and Elizabeth kept busy switching out baskets and props as I tried to get arrange Addison in the right direction. She was a trooper and didn't seem to mind all the jostling around. I have several more to share, but they've been waiting long enough so here are the few that are ready.

She was very smiley in her sleep.

This one is my favorite.

This one is especially for Elizabeth - they took a picture of Addison with a dollar bill in the hospital as well.

This hat that's as big as her head cracks me up.

Pretty darn cute, right?

Jump for Joy

2012-02-08T10:32:00.001-06:00

It's a family joke that my mom cannot smile for pictures to save her life. She always looks a little pained and not necessarily joyful despite the fact that she's a very sweet and happy woman. So here are a few pictures from a recent afternoon on the trampoline with real smiles on her face. And, yes, I waited until I dropped her off at the airport this morning before posting these so that she wouldn't have access to me. :)

mid-sniff

Brian stayed up until 2:30 a.m. grading papers, and I apparently was having sympathy pains for him because I was also up until 2:30, so let's just say that the 5:15 wake-up call came much too early for both of us. I dropped my mom off at the airport early this morning, made a very fast trip to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods to load up on vegetables, brown rice, and ground turkey and now Rory and I are back home curled up on this rainy day. My scar tissue refuses to back down quietly after my trip to Oklahoma last week, and I am fairly certain that it's going to require another trip to the doctor, but I'm trying to take it easy today and keep a heating pad on it to see if a day of little movement will help keep the pain and infection at bay. Here's hoping anyway!

Tuesday's Tidbits

2012-02-07T09:36:00.001-06:00

Several weeks ago Rory told me that she could not wait to be a grown up so she could drive, work on the computer, eat snacks after bedtime, boss her kids around all day. Yep, that's pretty much what adults do.

I think I forgot to mention when I got my first haircut a couple of weeks ago that Alicia told me my hair has a definitely curl pattern that was not there before. I totally look like my dad's head from the back view. :) The more it grows, the harder it is to control.

Because I don't want to forget this part: After we got the call from the nurse Friday afternoon that my CA125 was 14 (still having trouble believing it), we went back to chopping vegetables and making supper. After a few minutes, my mom stopped and said, "I can't believe we're chopping vegetables as if nothing just happened."

Just in case you're wondering, Trader Joe's Spicy Hot Cocoa lives up to the Spicy in it's name.

I'm so glad that I actually paid money for winter coats for Camden and Rory this year considering they've worn them an exact total of one time. Where is our winter? I know all of you who live in wintery states think I'm crazy for not being happy with 60 degrees in December, January, and February, but I like seasonal changes. And Brian desperately wants a snow day.

Actually, we have real frost on the ground today. Hence, the Spicy Hot Cocoa comment. And I better drink it fast because it's going to be in the upper 50's today.

I determined in my mind this morning that I was going to scrap today even if I got nothing else done. Well, it's 9:34, and I have gotten several things done, but none of them are scrapping. Here's hoping the rest of the day goes a little more like I planned.

I'd appreciate it if you all could say an extra prayer or two for Brian. He is having an extremely tough time at school this year, and it seems each day is worse than the last. I absolutely hate seeing him so stressed.

50mm 1.4 lens, f3.2, 1/800 SS, and 200 ISO

Super Bowl Party

2012-02-06T09:44:00.002-06:00

We had a big event at our house last night: Addison's first Super Bowl party. :) We always watch the game with Michael and Liz and usually Brian's parents as well, pull out lots of really good food and have a great time. Last night was Addison's first Super Bowl and Camden and Rory were extremely excited. My mom got to be there as well. I ended up skipping most of the game because I was much too busy holding Addison.

Watching the big game.

Holding Addison for the first time. I have to tell this quick story. Camden has had a cold so when we've been with Addison since she came home last week we haven't let him touch her. Wednesday Rory and I went over for a little while and Rory got to hold Addison. At supper that night, Rory said the best part of her day was holding Addison. Camden said the worst thing of his day was Rory holding Addison. Then when we went over for supper Thursday night, I looked at Camden in the back seat, and he had one lone tear rolling down his cheek (right after we'd reminded him that he couldn't hold her yet).

Uncle Brain (yes, misspelled on purpose)

On my lap and wide awake after a bath.

With Grandma

Photography note: Because it was after dark and inside, I had to use my widest aperture (which is 1.4) on my lens. Notice that with that small area of focus, I could only get one person in focus at a time, but at least they are properly exposed.

And just in case you're interested in our menu, here are some links.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough dip - I didn't love this, but everyone else did

Cheese and Bacon Potato Rounds - my favorite thing of the night

Butterfinger Blondies - these were really good

Buffalo Chicken Dip - we didn't use this exact recipe, but it's close

Spinach Hummus

Pizza Pepperoni dip (recipe below)

Pioneer Woman Meatballs

Pizza Pepperoni Dip

2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup miracle whip
1/2 chopped onion
1 can chopped mushroom
1 cup chopped pepperoni
1 small can ripe olives, chopped
1/2 cup green peppers, chopped
1/2 cup green olives, chopped

Combine all ingredients. Bake in 11x7 or 8x8 baking dish at 350 degrees until brown and bubbly. Serve with crackers or chips.

Not Cautious Anymore

2012-02-03T18:15:00.001-06:00

Nope, not cautiously optimistic anymore. We're just plain optimistic.

The nurse called late this afternoon to let me know that my CA125 was 14 and that they'd see me in 2 months. Two whole months of freedom. It's kind of hard to take in to be honest. Doesn't stop us from celebrating with ice cream, though. :)

My mom was here with me which was fabulous. She immediately texted my dad who decided he just couldn't stay at work any longer and stopped off for Chinese food and ice cream. We've been texting and calling and emailing friends and family for the last several hours. I've learned to take each day as it comes so I wasn't necessarily expecting bad or good news, but the good news is most certainly welcome. I cried. I probably would have held it together if the news were bad, but the good news kinda did me in.

I've been memorizing Psalm 121 this week, and it came to mind immediately.

I lift my eyes toward the mountains.Where will my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;your Protector will not slumber.

Indeed, the Protector of Israeldoes not slumber or sleep.
The Lord protects you;the Lord is a shelter right by your side.

The sun will not strike you by dayor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all harm;He will protect your life.

The Lord will protect your coming and goingboth now and forever.

Oklahoma recap

2012-02-03T13:06:00.002-06:00

I had a ridiculously good time in Oklahoma over the weekend, and I'm going to recap it here in excruciating detail so feel free to skim.

Thursday afternoon Brian rushed home from school so that he could take me to the airport. My flight, of course, was delayed so there was really no need to rush. It was a very, very bumpy flight to St. Louis, but with my iPad and The Scorpio Races (highly recommend, by the way) to distract me, I didn't mind too much. I spent an extra couple of hours in St. Louis, ate a couple of bites of some really bad ice cream and then flew to Tulsa. Because my flight was delayed, we didn't arrive at Becky's house until almost 11:00 p.m. and we stayed up talking, of course.

Friday morning we dropped the boys off at school, took a walk, then spent the morning crying over our coffee. We like to get all the heavy conversations out of the way first. Friday afternoon was spent browsing T.J. Maxx, Kohls, and enjoying some Cherry Berry frozen yogurt.

Saturday morning Micah fixed chocolate chip pancakes for everyone while I skyped with Brian and the kids (Rory was none too happy that I had left her) then Becky and I headed out to spend the day shopping. We drove around Tulsa browsing little shops that you never make time for when there are children on board. You know, the kind with lots of breakables and clothes that are too expensive for anyone normal to own. We ate lunch at the Blue Moon Cafe and decided to split sandwiches so we could try more than one item: grilled cheese and a smoked BBQ turkey sandwich. It was a good call.

We spent the rest of the afternoon browsing Anthropologie and Pottery Barn then decided we needed a snack at Queenies. Once again, we decided to split desserts so we could taste more: banana cake with caramel icing, snicker doodle cookie, and a triple chocolate cookie that was amazing. We went home just in time to visit her friend Lauren at her salon, The Vintage Comb, as well as take the boys on a walk. Actually, the boys rode their scooters while we desperately tried to keep up.

Lots of pretty Anthropologie items. I had just about decided that my kitchen table *needed* this owl when we realized it was nearly $100.

These coffee cups were just about our only purchase of the weekend, and while they're super pretty (and came in very pretty Anthropologie wrapping) mostly we just wanted to take a picture of a "bm."

Sunday was church, then a delicious Sausage, Kale, and Bean soup followed by some photography talk while everyone else took naps. We had no time for naps - too much to talk about and do. After naptime, everyone loaded up in the van and we went for some family pictures. Let me just say that Micah was less than thrilled at this idea, but he was a trooper.

Embracing the haze. Oklahoma sun stays much higher in the sky at 4:00 than in Tennessee.

William

Xavier

Sunday night we made a quick run to Gymboree since Becky's store had announced that they were opening up their back stock room to customers after hours. Let's just say that the store was a bit more crowded than we liked and we decided that a few sales weren't worth the dozens of boxes we were going to have to look through not to mention the line to pay for those sale items. So it was back home for some American Idol viewing and White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake ice cream.

Monday we ran out for coffee (White Chocolate Macadamia Nut for me and Neopolitan mocha for Becky) then talked photography with Traci (one of Becky's friends) while attempting a few snapshots of Traci's very cute, but very fast 2 year old.

After Traci and Olivia left, Becky and I decided we had not eaten enough food over the weekend and headed back to Tulsa to try out Elote, a local organic Mexican restaurant. The puffy tacos were amazing, but the cream cheese based queso dip was disgusting. Warm cream cheese is just not my thing.

We then had the bright idea of exploring a local paper scrapbooking company, and we might have been sucked into all the beautiful papers and fun gadgets, but then decided it was all too much work and safely retreated back into our digital scrapbooking. It was fun to see this big paper pack by Lili. We both design for her digital designs, but she has pretty real-life paper designs as well.

Monday was William and Xavier's 100th day of school so there was a celebration, of course. Their teacher must hate parents because she asked the kids to wear 100 of something. Becky came up with this idea.

And a quick picture after another walk/run trying to keep up with the boys and their scooters. The boys are sporting their 100 Day gear.

Isn't it nice that someone in their neighborhood made me a great welcome in the street. ;)

It all came to an end much too quickly, and I flew back home Tuesday morning. There was alot of food, lots of laughter, long walks every day, good coffee, even a whole lot of TV viewing. Both of our husbands don't watch alot of TV, and somehow American Idol and Downton Abbey are just more fun when you're watching with someone to chat with. I was able to meet several of Becky's friends, and they're all huggers which is fun. I enjoy a good hug but am introverted enough to not usually initiate them. I was also able to meet some of her church family who have been praying for me this past year.

It was so fun to have a weekend free from responsibility and to spend it with Becky. While I've been able to spend lots of time with family this year (one very good thing that's happened as a result of cancer), it's always because they're here to help me during chemo so it was nice to take a trip and not worry about anything medical related.

My mom is coming over tonight and we're spending Super Bowl Sunday evening with Michael, Liz, Addison and my mom. Hope your weekend is a ton of fun!

Cautiously Optimistic

2012-02-02T15:14:00.001-06:00

I think cautiously optimistic is how we're all feeling after my appointment with Dr. W today. He examined me and said he didn't feel anything unusual and he was very pleased with how well I've been feeling. He drew blood, specifically for the CA125 test and if that comes back stable, then he said he would see me again in 2 months. Let me just say that again. TWO MONTHS. I truly, truly thought he was going to tell me that chemo would begin again next week.

While I feel really good about the visit, I will feel a whole lot better after we get the CA125 results back, probably not until Monday but possibly as early as Friday. Dr. W also told me that while typically when cancer is gone, it disappears from the scans, it is possible for the cancer to just calcify (which it looks as if mine has done) and that generally calcifications happen in his younger patients. Obviously, the trick is knowing whether or not they're calcified all the way through or whether it's just the outside that is calcified.

Thank you for all the prayers. While my blood pressure was 160 over 102 (yikes!), I really felt calm this morning. My mom, Rory, and I spent a fun few hours racing around Nashville grocery shopping, Trader Joe-ing, and meeting my friend Tina for lunch at The Local Taco Co. then arrived back home in time for me to feed Addison (hurray for me!).

And, yes, this would be our "cautiously optimistic" faces. :)

Home

2012-02-01T13:42:00.002-06:00

I am back from my fun weekend in Oklahoma and securely entrenched in SAHM land. Why is it laundry and cleaning and cooking are especially annoying after a break? I will post Friday with lots of pictures and more details than you could possibly want, but for now, look who also made it home Tuesday!

I love how she's looking right at me.

Rory got to help Uncle Michael with getting the bottle ready.

Taking a picture one-handed, holding her with the other. Look at that cute pink hair accessory. We can thank Aunt Becky for that. We're hoping to have an actual photo shoot soon.

And then to Rory's surprise, Uncle Michael let her hold Addison!

I got to change Addison, feed her, burp her, and hold her this morning, and it was all kinds of fun.

Tomorrow I see Dr. W., my oncologist. I've done a very good job of enjoying this month off from chemo, but now I'm gearing myself up to whatever news he might have for me. I'll try to post an update tomorrow after I see him, and I'll definitely be back Friday with lots of Oklahoma pictures.

I Think They Love Each Other

2012-01-28T13:49:00.000-06:00

I love that you can see her smiling behind the mask.

Thank you, Christine, for the masks!

They posed for the obligatory picture. First one out of the camera is this.

But this was all on their own.

Good thing I kept clicking.

You just can't fake these kind of smiles.

50mm 1.4 lens, f3.2, 1/200 SS, 400 ISO - they didn't really need editing, but I ran Paint The Moon's Jubilee action at 20% opacity for fun.

Wednesday's Adventures

2012-01-26T09:01:00.001-06:00

Rory and I spent Wednesday furiously racing around Nashville trying to fit in a whole bunch of fun things into one day. We started off at Target where I tried not to bankrupt us with all the good things on sale. I managed to resist everything but the essentials such as K-cups, socks for Camden, bottled water, and more K-cups (what can I say? they were on sale!). We visited the library, then raced to the hospital to see Addison. I completely took advantage of valet parking so that we didn't have to walk in the cold rain. Best idea ever. After the hospital was a visit to Trader Joe's, which is always a highlight except this time I resisted all treats and stuck strictly to organic essentials. It was hard to leave those chocolate covered potato chips in the store, but they managed to stay out of my cart.

After Trader Joe's we met my friend Tina for lunch at 5 Guys where I had a minor breakdown at the thought of sending my body into a gallstone attack because of the burger and fries. Thankfully, I seem to be fine.

After lunch was the really big event: a haircut, my first since May 14 when Alicia (my hairstylist for the past 8 years) shaved it off. I am someone who loves a good visit to the salon, although it is significantly less enjoyable when there is a child (coughcoughRorycoughcough) who refuses to stop asking questions even during a blissful scalp massage.

When I posted about this on Facebook, everyone immediately started asking for pictures, and I feel slightly embarrassed about it for several reasons. First, you should realize that the longest I've been without a haircut is 12 weeks and that's when I was growing it out for Locks of Love. I am freakishly concerned with split ends/bad hair, etc. so I never forget to schedule my next haircut. Yes, she cut alot more than you would have imagined off my hair yesterday but because I haven't posted a picture in the last month or so, I realize that this picture makes it look as if my hair is exactly the same as here. I promise it really had grown and that it actually has some semblance of a shape after Alicia's attention. I still totally look like a boy, however.

And this was the best I could do because Rory can't handle the camera yet, and it was already dark and raining when Brian got home.

Look at the size of this girl's hand! We're convinced she's going to be tall like her daddy based on the size of her hands and feet. Elizabeth is a shortie like me.

She's up to 3 lbs 13 oz, and hopefully gets to move out of the incubator into a normal bed this weekend. That means no more shooting through plastic for me! Oh, and it means unlimited holding for her mama and daddy.

Aunt Becky made Addison this cute bunting to decorate her area.

I seem to have passed on my nasty cold from last week to Rory. Unfortunately for Brian, I am flying to Oklahoma tonight (hurray for me, though!). Unfortunately, because Rory can be kind of a bear when she's sick, and she is a mama's girl on a good day, but when she's sick, she's glued to me. The good news is that despite the fever/coughing/snot, she woke up happy, sassy, and bossy as usual this morning so I am hopeful that it will just be a cold and not develop into her usual respiratory/asthma type situation.

And because I'm completely chatty this morning, another fun thing I got to do yesterday was visit a great coffeeshop. They use locally grown beans and roast right there in the store. It's located in east Nashville, which is kind of hip and yuppie-like so I didn't feel cool enough to pull out my camera and take a picture, but the Peppermint Patty Mocha that I ordered was close to the best cup of coffee I've ever had. For all my local friends, go visit Bongo Java.

And that, my friends, is all she wrote. I'll be in Oklahoma for the next 5 days and may or may not be posting. I've got at least one picture post scheduled so maybe the blog won't be too lonely.

Korean Dress-Up

2012-01-25T06:41:00.000-06:00

So when I say it's been 4 years since I put this hanbok on Rory, I was not kidding. I tried to look for the picture of her wearing it, but couldn't quickly locate it so you'll have to just trust me.

And I didn't think Monday's shoot was going to be very successful. I tried lots of different locations trying to find the least brown spots in our yard.

It was super windy and that hanbok is drafty so most of them turned out a little like this (and I didn't even bother editing all these throw-aways):

And then we've got goofy girl

Serious girl

Are we done yet?

Dancing girl

There's that wind again

Ta-Da!

Blowing her pageant kiss. Yes, Toddlers & Tiaras is still haunting us.

Occasionally, the stars all lined up, and I got something like this one.

But the ones I really love are these final two. Mostly because they're so true to her, but also because I've been reading about how to take pictures in less than ideal situations (such as 11:00 in the morning with way too much sunlight) and I've been trying to figure out this natural haze effect. And I did it! These are straight from the camera using my beautiful 70-200 lens. Settings were f2.8, ISO 200, 1/160 SS. We were in deep shade of the house with the sun directly behind her. The way the lens was tilted made this beautiful soft haze, and I kind of just adore it. And, yes, I made my favorites huge on purpose. :)

Total pageant girl :)

She promptly asked me to send these to Mrs. Park (her foster mother who bought her the hanbok), and, of course, I agreed to do it as soon as possible! Now maybe I won't wait another 4 years before breaking out the hanbok.

Tuesday's Tidbits

2012-01-24T07:00:00.000-06:00

Ever since we saw The Addams Family a couple of weeks ago, Rory has been singing the theme song (yes, the one you remember from your childhood) non-stop. And she thinks that because we were at the same theater that they played the same music for Wicked. So I introduced her to Defying Gravity. Unfortunately, it hasn't made her stop singing The Addams Family theme song.

Camden and I both had long over-due eye appointments yesterday. Camden's eyes had changed drastically (which we suspected) and the doctor told us that he has an increased risk of retinal detachment and that we should reconsider any plans for karate or boxing. Ha! Like Camden would ever choose a sport that might possibly involve injuries. LOL

I'm sure lots of my adoptive parent friends have seen this video, but if not, you should watch it. Katherine Heigle (actress) and her husband Josh Kelley (singer) adopted a little girl from Korea, and this is a sweet song he wrote about their journey. And that is one cute little girl.

I made this Kung Pao Chicken recipe (or Cookin' Po Chicken if you're Rory) last night for supper, and it was amazing. So full of flavor, and the kids are already requesting to have it again. I actually doubled the sauce and used cashews instead of peanuts. Seriously delicious.

Rory has discovered a certain female undergarment. Enough said. Actually, a picture might be better. She was helping me with laundry last night and I turned around and saw this. She said this was her pageant pose. That one episode of Toddlers and Tiaras is going to haunt me.

Rory and I are going to tackle Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred this morning. Wish us luck.

The Year of the Dragon

2012-01-23T08:45:00.000-06:00

Taking it easy on this Lunar New Year after a stormy day (figuratively speaking) yesterday followed by very stormy night (literally speaking). As usual, we don't have too much planned for Lunar New Year, but I am cooking Asian food tonight (not specifying Korean because that wouldn't be quite correct) and I've got this printable dragon mask ready for the kids after school. Maybe I'll even drag out the hanbok and attempt Rory pictures - something I've been *planning* to do for oh, the last 4 years.

(ETA: My friend Christine has this super cute dragon printable as well - I'm going to print it and let the kids do both.)

And one quick picture - this is what our mornings look like. I get the kids up at 6:45, they drag themselves (or I carry Rory) into the living room and as they wake up we read our morning scripture and devotions then have a quick prayer for the day. As much as I hate mornings, I kind of love those first few minutes where they're so drowsy and sweet.

And the best part of my Lunar New Year? The family photo Rory's foster family posted on Facebook. Love.

2012 Project 365, weeks 1-3

2012-01-21T17:14:00.002-06:00

Friday Photo Dump

2012-01-20T09:27:00.001-06:00

So yesterday did not exactly turn out as planned. I did get to see Baby Addison (hurray), but we spent 3 hours at one doctor's office and then an hour at the next, which resulted in no time for a birthday lunch. In fact, we left the house at 9:45, returned home at 4 and it was all spent at the hospital. Fun times. The good news is that I'm totally fine - the doctors were just running late. Very, very late. As in the receptionist brought out a basket full of cold drinks and snacks to the waiting room kind of late. Twice.

Our friend Randall spent the night with us, and I am just hoping I didn't pass on my nasty germs. My cold ramped up into high gear throughout the day, and I had completely lost my voice by bedtime last night. I didn't sleep well, but at least my throat isn't on fire this morning. Rory and I are camped out on the couch (she also has a cold) and plan to spend the day resting. My mom is coming over tonight and making her homemade chicken and dumplings, which is pretty much the best meal in the world. She made it for me numerous times during chemo, and it was one of the few things I could count on tasting good.

And a few photos from the week. Yes, many of them are out of focus. Apparently, I can only take 1-2 good photos within a certain time period.

Reading on my iPad.

Looking at pictures of Addison.

Rory insisted on holding Aunt Liz's hand all day yesterday.

Rory was such a trooper during all the long waits yesterday.

The snacks helped.

And look at Addison out of the incubator!

She's so ladylike.

Busy, Busy

2012-01-19T07:30:00.000-06:00

Yesterday flew by in a flurry of breakfast and some Pioneer Woman cooking show viewing with my friend Andrea, my mom, and Rory; a trip to Walmart; and then a very long afternoon and evening of preparing all of Camden and Rory's spring/summer clothes for a consignment sale followed by a long calendar-planning church meeting. My cold seems to revive itself every 24 hours or so, and I feel kinda crappy.

Today is another full day. Rory and I are picking up my mom and Elizabeth and headed to Nashville to see Addison, celebrate my mom's 60th birthday, and two doctor's appointments for me. I'm seeing my primary care doctor for a blood pressure follow-up (as well as to check in on this sore throat that's been bothering me for 7-8 days now) and then to see Dr. T. I'm a little unsure as to whether or not I'm seeing Dr. T or having an ultrasound, but it's a follow-up to my gallstone episode. After the afternoon appointment, I will be rushing home to pick up Camden from Gram and Gramp's house so that I can go fix supper for Randall (our team member from Texas). Our whole family is very excited to spend an evening with him. And then I have Bible Study tonight, which I'm also excited about. We're doing Beth Moore's Psalms of Ascent. And while this may be a busy day for anyone, it is most definitely a busy day for this girl still recovering from chemo. Wish me luck!

And while these would have worked for yesterday's Wordless Wednesday post as well, they're about a month old, and I couldn't remember if I've posted them yet or not. I decided they deserved their own post. )

No, we don't normally stand in the middle of the road, but I had just taken these pictures and had my camera with me when we went to check on the mail.

And in case you're wondering, these were taken with my 50mm in full sun. f3.5, ISO 400, 1,250 ss (and, yes, I could have lowered the ISO which would have resulted in a lower shutter speed). Processed with Paint the Moon's Jubilee photo action, opacity reduced.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-18T06:00:00.000-06:00

The Next Great Artist

2012-01-17T10:10:00.000-06:00

Despite it's less than exciting start yesterday turned out to be a pretty nice day. The kids had a blast with the whole Next Great Artist competition Brian came up with. They were just really cute with all of their efforts. Brian took Camden to a friend's house for batting practice while Rory napped, then took both of them to Sonic for Happy Hour, which gave me a chance to settle in with some silence, a fresh cup of coffee, and my heated body bean. And while they were out, they went to a local shop and brought me back some chocolates. Camden said the best part of his day was seeing my smile when they brought me the chocolates. How sweet!

Camden was SO excited while he waited for Brian to hand out the awards. ;) And while we're not really all about making sure everything is equal or that the kids never lose, we did decide there was no way to hand out just one award when you're talking about artwork (or when one child is 3 years younger and can't read or write). Camden kept saying, "I'm just so nervous" while waiting.

Lauren Grier: Choices

MLK

2012-01-16T11:18:00.002-06:00

Well, we are certainly celebratory on this Martin Luther King Day (insert varying degrees of sarcasm here). Brian is hard at work on lesson plans, and I am working on about 5 loads of laundry. The kids, however, are having a great time. They've been creating with moon dough and play dough for the last 2.5 hours. To encourage their competitive spirit (a.k.a. sibling rivalry) Brian has promised to make an art gallery and judge their work this afternoon.

Camden's first creation (not sure how we're going to hang this on the wall)

We had a nice weekend which involved all my favorite football teams losing (seriously, all 4 games) as well as purchasing not only a new can opener, but a new iron. Exciting, right?

Rory's cold never developed into anything, thank goodness, and I felt better by Sunday. Unfortunately, last night I seem to have developed a new strain of that cold despite my current habit of incessant hand washing to get rid of all unwanted germs. My voice currently sounds a bit like an old cranky man. I've turned kid duty over to Brian as a result (which is why he's got the art gallery competition going on as well as making behavior charts for them both - maybe I should put him in charge more often). I'm going to fold laundry, drink lots of coffee (which just might be contributing to my sleepless nights) and take lots of cold medicine.

Pics of the kids and Grandma after church yesterday.

Happy Martin Luther King Day!

Snow Day

2012-01-13T07:31:00.001-06:00

Well, I've been wishing for some winter weather, and it finally arrived yesterday afternoon. Despite starting the day off in the upper 50's, the temperatures dropped to the low 20's and snow and ice fell from the sky. I would be much happier about this snow day if Brian didn't have to go to a school seminar an hour away. I really hate that he doesn't get to take advantage of the snow day. Not to mention I've been trying to catch a cold all week and was finally successful last night. I feel kind of miserable, and I'm hoping that certain 5 and 8 year olds will be happy playing together and not need too much entertainment from their mama.

My brother-in-law Michael just posted this on my FB wall. "Hope your kids survive the day. Snow day and Friday the 13th probably not a good combination for your sanity or their life expectancy." LOL

My mom, Elizabeth, and Michael are supposed to come over for the evening, and I have lasagna and chocolate cake planned. My mom is going to stay with us over the weekend, and I was hoping to have a shopping day tomorrow, but I guess we'll have to see how I'm feeling.

ETA: And the day just got better since Rory is now up and sobbing because her throat hurts. If you've read the blog in previous years, you'll remember that she is about the worst patient ever and deals with it all by SOBBING incessantly as if she cannot believe the universe would treat her so poorly.

I promise I'm slightly more compassionate than this paragraph sounds. :)

And a few pictures from last Friday (when we were having temperatures in the 60's).

"This is how big girls stand, mama."

Showing off her short hair. She gets a ridiculous amount of attention with this haircut.

All pics taken with my 50mm 1.4, f3.5, ISO400, 1/200 SS and are straight out of the camera (with the exception of a slight vignette) because in my humble opinion they were good enough to not bother with editing. ;)

And, finally, some layouts.

Micheline Martin: Love You Like a Love Song (and despite having heard this song maybe once in my lifetime, I've had it stuck in my head ever since I saw this kit)

Valorie Wibbens/Jenn Barrette: Toothless Grin

Emily Merritt/Laura Banasiak: XOXO

Zoe Pearn: Tis the Season

An Award

2012-01-12T09:21:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Christine and Grace for this little award!

I feel as if I've done a few of these posts over the years, and I'm having trouble remembering if these are "new" things, but here goes anyway.

1. While others may have spent their teen years idolizing Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise, or New Kids on the Block, mine was all about Michael Jordan. I watched all the games, read the books, dreamed of meeting him, decorated my college dorm room in red, black, and white (seriously). And it didn't stop with my teen years. Brian and even watched two play-off games during our honeymoon.

2. I play the piano (did anyone besides those who go to my church know that?). I have probably 100+ piano books, and I still love to get new ones. And when I do, I always start at the end and work my way towards the front. That makes no sense, but it's what I do.

3. At this very moment in my everyday purse, I have 9 tubes of lipgloss, 8 tubes of lipstick, 2 chapsticks, 2 containers of eyedrops, and 2 bottles of hand lotions. That does not count various other lipsticks/glosses in other purses and in my make-up drawer. That's embarrassing, right?

4. I've had a love for coffee (well, coffee-flavored desserts anyway) for many years and have had a morning cup for the last few years. But that "cup" of coffee was generally about 1/4 of a small pottery cup. Finally, at the age of 36, I have become a grown-up. I now finish an entire cup of coffee. I may have to warm it up over the course of several hours, but I finish it.

5. I am horrifically bad at playing with my kids. I have absolutely no imagination.

6. I am very, very unorganized at home. I am sure my mom shudders in horror every time she opens a cabinet. Or sees our basement.

7. I would happily wear black or varying shades of gray every day of the week if I thought I could get away with it.

Whew. Passing this on to:

Becky (DerbyDoos)

Amy (A Quiet Heart)

Elizabeth (Every Day the Wonderful Happens)

Kris (Waiting for Malia)

Karen (Life as MommyMo)

Kelly (Life with Briar)

Mayme (McGowan Moments)

Verla (One of Nettie's Girls)

Brooke (The Red Pumpkin)

And a picture from the week before Christmas. I found the Halloween costumes I bought after Halloween for $2.50. They were good for hours of fun.

Addison, Day 13

2012-01-11T10:31:00.004-06:00

Rory and I ran errands yesterday, picked my mom up from the airport, then headed to the hospital to see Addison. My mom was already scheduled to come spend a couple of weeks with us to help us out during this chemo session. Of course, I'm not having chemo, but Elizabeth had an emergency c-section and Addison is here so the timing was still perfect - she's just helping out a different daughter.

It's been an entire week since I've seen Addison (how did that happen?) and I have to say that she looks so much healthier. Her little face isn't puffy anymore so we can see her features. We haven't decided who she looks like yet. She also reached the 3 pound mark yesterday, which is a big milestone. Because she can't regulate her own body temperature, she is only allowed out of bed for 20 minutes a day, but I cannot wait for the day that I can get my greedy hands on her. My mom and I had a hard time not pulling open that incubator and at least touching her yesterday.

She's in an incubator and it's dark so it's very hard to get a clear picture. I had to have my ISO set on 2,000 if that gives you any indication!

Look at that sweet little bow!

Rory and I went and walked with my mom this morning (Elizabeth lives less than 10 minutes from us - hurray!). She's going to be so thrilled I posted this picture. ;)

Tuesday's Tidbits

2012-01-10T08:02:00.001-06:00

If you want to feel good about yourself, watch a couple of episodes of Toddlers & Tiara's. I promise you'll feel better about your own parenting.

Of course, if you then allow your own 5 year old daughter to watch an episode with you, the parenting level goes waaaaay down.

I think my hair is coming back with a little curl in it. The longer pieces on top (and by long I mean not bald) curl the opposite way of how they're supposed to lay. I always knew that growing it back would be worse than not actually having any hair.

I've recently discovered The Chew, and I've decided I want to to go a taping and sit on the front row so I can taste all the food they cook. I love Michael Simon, Carla from Top Chef, and Clinton Kelly.

Rory asked Jesus into her heart last night. She's been asking for over a year, but we knew she did not have a clear understanding. But finally last night she knew the answers, could explain to us what it meant. Afterwards, she walked over to me and said, "mama, now I'm just like the rest of my family. I feel so special and happy."

Brian's co-worker, Sarah, made us these adorable owl hats. I might just have squealed in delight when I opened the package. I am definitely printing this picture and putting it my bedroom since the hats match the new color scheme.

I'm a scrapping demon these days - trying to get caught up!

Gina Marie Huff: Everyday Life

I Heart Faces Best Face of 2011

2012-01-09T09:54:00.002-06:00

I always read I Heart Faces blog, but rarely enter the challenges. When I saw this week's challenge was Best Face of 2011, I immediately thought of this picture of Rory. :)

The Addams Family

2012-01-09T08:21:00.001-06:00

We had so much fun Friday night at our little celebration dinner and then the trip to the theater to see The Addams Family. It was really fun to look over at Camden and see him laughing (pretty sure the few inappropriate jokes went right over their head). Rory really paid attention much more than I anticipated and was able to repeat the story line back to us after it was over. In fact, as we're driving down the interstate at 11:00 p.m., she didn't stop talking the entire time. The first half was definitely better than the second, but it was a very fun evening.

No, I didn't bring my big girl camera with me, and, yes, I regret it.

I've always wanted to eat cannoli and Friday night, we did! It was as delicious as I've imagined.

Rory needed a booster seat because she doesn't weigh enough to hold the seat down. And then she ended up on my lap most of the time anyway (which was okay because there was no one behind us and we were in the handicap-accessible aisle, which means there was a ton of extra room).

I spent HOURS Thursday - Saturday working on getting my 2011 blog into a format that could be printed. I cannot believe how chatty I was. And how many pictures I posted. Still haven't exactly found the perfect way to print, but it did make me determine to stay on top of it this year so I don't have to do the whole year at once in January 2013.

For the last 35 weeks (yes, I counted) I've spent my Monday mornings at the lab getting bloodwork drawn. So this morning, as a matter of principle, I'm staying home and doing nothing. Well, nothing except a huge pile of laundry. And after 4 sleepless nights, it's about all I can manage anyway!

And twp scrapbook pages from this weekend:

Emily Merritt: Light the Way

Micheline Martin: Little Miss Attitude (retired)

My Project365 / Project Life

2012-01-06T12:30:00.000-06:00

So the scrapping world is all abuzz with Project 365 and Project Life this month, and while I resisted for a while, I find myself excited about it all as well. Mostly because I'm ready to actually do something with the thousands of pictures I take every year. I want to simplify, actually document and print these pictures and pages instead of letting them collect on my computer.

I decided to use this template set from Weed n Wildflowers because everything is done for me already as far as design. All the dates are set, weeks are numbered, etc. I just drop my picture in and journal. I need easy!

I'm also planning to do a version of Project Life along with Project 365. I want to do less scrapping, more documenting if that makes any sense. If it means just printing pictures and adding journaling in order to document our 2012, then that's what I'm going to do. It certainly doesn't mean I'm never going to scrapbook layouts again because I most definitely am, but my focus is documenting life and if I don't have time to scrap every picture, that's okay.

I've had lots of emails about this so here are a few links for you.

The Lilypad has a great new collection debuting today. There are lots of options for creating your own Project 365/Project Life.

I used this template set last year from Wildberry Ink Designs; here is the 2012 version.

You can read more about Project Life on Becky Higgin's blog here and here.

The Daily Digi has a great article and video about Project Life titled "Does Project Life Fit in With My Life?". This video really is what made me decide to move forward with Project Life.

If you don't already scrap and own Photoshop Elements, then maybe a Project Life Shutterfly book is the right option for you. You can find info about it here. There's also a good article on the Shutterfly blog here with ideas for documenting your life through pictures.

And if you like pictures better than words, here are a couple of what I've done this year so far.

My January title page:

My Week 1 page (clearly not finished yet):

And my Project 365/Project Life title 2012 title page using the Lilypad collection (linked above):

Friday, Friday

2012-01-06T08:08:00.000-06:00

After my big news yesterday, we all felt like celebrating, but decided to hold off until tonight. Although along with those flowers, I did purchase two triple chocolate cupcakes from Whole Foods for us to split. And they were D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S.

But tonight we're planning to eat at Bucca di Beppo's (we haven't been there in years, and I've really been wanting to go) and then we have tickets to see The Addams Family at TPAC thanks to a couple of friends (hi, Jenne and Kari!). The kids are so excited although Camden is mostly excited at the prospect of staying up late since it doesn't start until 8:00 and their bedtime is 7:30. Rory is thrilled because she thinks she's really arrived to be going to an adult theater. :)

Until we leave, though, my plans are to try to take it easy and let this scar tissue settle down a bit. I'm also working on a Project 365/Project Life post that will be ready soon as well as tackling the enormous job of copying/pasting my 2011 blog into my 2011 Project 365 book. And, yes, it is pure torture because I am apparently quite chatty. It's also been a strange experience to re-read through 2011 in light of the news I received yesterday. What a roller coaster!

The Lilypad January BYOC

Shabby Princess: Twas the Night

Gina Huff: Sweet & Simple #12

The Lilypad: Kitschy Christmases

You Are Not Going to Believe This!

2012-01-05T10:54:00.002-06:00

Rory, Liz (who got out of the hospital yesterday), and I headed to the hospital bright and early this morning. My scar tissue was very, very painful yesterday and he wanted to see me to try to head off infection. Instead of coming home with antibiotics, I came home with the news that he and Dr. T (the surgeon from last week) feel that my cancer is stable enough to take a break from chemo!

I told you that you wouldn't believe it!

Last week when we saw Dr. T he mentioned that he felt like my CT scan showed that all the tumor pieces were calcified and dead. I was encouraged but tried not to read too much into it because he isn't my oncologist. But after talking with Dr. T, looking at my scans again, and the knowledge that my CA125 has been stable for the last several months, they both agreed that it was time to take a little break. I don't even have to go back for bloodwork until February 2!

There are a couple of downsides. Like, for instance, part of this break gives my gallbladder a chance to flare up again and have surgery with fewer complications. It's also a way of checking to see if those calcifications are really all dead tumors or if there might be some living pieces inside the tumors. But for now, I am going to do as Dr. T recommended last week when he told me that my CA125 was 16. I'm going to take a minute, take a deep breath, and soak in the best news I've received in a very. long. time.

If I had all your phone numbers, I would call and tell you myself. I am that happy.

And, yes, I totally bought myself flowers to celebrate when I saw them in Whole Foods.

2012 Goals

2012-01-04T09:36:00.002-06:00

It's only January 4, but I already feel like I've dropped the ball on this. Since it's still the first week of the new year, however, I'm going to consider myself on top of it.

1. Healthy eating plus exercise. While I would like to lose those 15 lbs I've gained back (of the original 30 I lost after surgery), mostly I just want my body to be as strong as it can be to fight cancer. I've decided I'm not going to agonize over the weight aspect because life is just too short. I will just continue to make healthier choices, make buying organic a priority (as I've been doing more and more over the last few months) and use my treadmill 3-4 times a week.

2. Find a food truck and eat. I'm not kidding about this one, but it's kind of funny since it follows the goal of healthy eating. ;)

3. Keep up with Project 365/Project Life (more on this later today).

4. Read more parenting books. And then actually try to remember what I read. Between my speed reading tendencies and the inability to focus due to chemo, I read alot of books (both fiction and non-fiction) but rarely can remember a thing about them a week later.

5. Work on having more patience with the kids. This probably needs no explanation.

6. More individual time with Brian and Camden (Rory gets her fair share since she's still at home with me). Between Brian's two jobs, taking care of me after chemo, and having two kids, Brian and I do not get the chance to connect nearly as often as I'd like. And with Camden, he's gone at school then comes home and plays/reads/does homework, etc. But as he gets older, I don't want to lose that bond we have. Although, let me just say. He's 8 and 1/2, and boys are just cut from a different cloth than this girl.

7. Make the most of the remaining months I have at home with Rory before she goes to school in the fall. I am sure that I'm not the only mother to feel slightly insane at the sameness of it all day after day, but I am going to try harder to take advantage of having her with me at all times.

And just in case I ever start to feel good about my photography, here are a few pictures from yesterday.

Any ideas how to possibly take a picture of a preemie baby with a glow in the dark blue light illuminating her body? In an incubator?

I made Rory stop on our walk back to the car (in the frigid cold!) after visiting Michael, Liz, and Addison at the hospital.

Rory at the dentist office this morning. Yep, another gem. I might be upset at the picture, but I'm too excited that she didn't have any cavities.

And in keeping with my #1 goal for 2012, I'm having some hot chocolate. Failing miserably already. And I don't really care. ;)

Tuesday's Tidbits

2012-01-03T07:00:00.000-06:00

Starting our back to school schedule on less than 3 hours of sleep might possibly affect my patience level.

Rory: Oh, man, my heart is pounding.

Brian: That's a good thing. We want your heart to beat.

Rory. No, I think Jesus is beating on it.

I have somehow managed to keep my psd and tiff files for all my scrapbook pages dating back to 2004 in one folder on my computer. Oh, yes, you read it right - 2004. You can imagine how bogged down that folder is. I've spent the last 2 days deleting those files (I've still got the printed layouts as well as the flattened jpgs). It has been quite a chore. Serves me right for letting it go for so long.

In my previous life, the employees at Baby Gap and Gymboree knew me by name. Now, the hospital registration and lab employees at Northcrest (where I go each Monday for bloodwork) know me by name. Kind of a strange trade-off.

Last night at supper I told Rory that Brian had carved the turkey. She and Camden both wanted to know what carving meant, so I told them it was just a fancy word for slice. She immediately said, "Mommy! You are just like Fancy Nancy!" In case you don't know Fancy Nancy, her books are filled with phrases like, "My favorite color is fuschia. That's a fancy way of say purple."

Rory had a little breakdown when she realized that she was not going to get to see or hold Addison for several weeks. She has so been looking forward to having her own live baby to play with. I told her we would have plenty of time to hold and play with her and Camden piped up with, "and you know she's the only baby you'll find me playing with."

And speaking of Addison, can I just say that one positive to come out of the emergency c-section is that we don't have to answer any more of those pesky questions about how the baby was going to get out of Aunt Liz's belly. :)

How many of you have husbands who would completely take down the Christmas tree and put away all decorations while you're at the grocery store? Cause mine did. Thank you, Brian Lewis!

I would say that winter has finally arrived to Tennessee since our highs yesterday and today are only in the 30's, but by the end of the week it's supposed to be upper 50's again. I realize I should not complain about sunny and 50's, but I like a seasonal change and we haven't had much of winter yet.

Remember Shannon Miller, the Olympic gymnast? I think I linked to her site before after discovering that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 2 months prior to my own diagnosis. Someone linked to this video she posted when she lost her hair, and I thought it was interesting. I didn't cry when my own head was shaved, but I did shed a few tears for her. Video here.

While I was working on those old files, I ran across this picture from February 23, 2007 of Camden and his cousin Cheyenne. (Apparently, I was liked using oddly colored photo actions back then.)

And I decided to go ahead and scrap it using Things That Matter Most from TLP.

And my first two pictures of 2012.

I guess Camden and I didn't get the crazy face memo.

Clearly I am in a photo action phase because I used the same one here as I did for Camden and Rory's Christmas pictures: Florabella Luxe Milk with opacity reduced to about 50%. Settings were f4, 1/320 SS, and ISO 640. It was late afternoon with cloud cover, and I wanted the aperture high enough to make sure we were all in focus thus the higher ISO. You'd think I'd learn my lesson regarding using photo actions after seeing the old picture of Camden and Cheyenne, but this time I kept the original so I can always go back to a clean finish if I decide this action dates the picture.

Tiny Red Flowers

2012-01-02T12:38:00.001-06:00

Friday afternoon I got a text from Elizabeth asking me if I had a hairbow that Addison could wear. (for those of you who know and love Liz, are you surprised by this request?) Of course, I have a hairbow for Addison! I've saved bags and bags of hairbows from Rory just for this moment.

For a little perspective, I put it in Rory's hair first and snapped a quick picture as we headed down to the NICU.

And then the nurse glued it to Addison's head.

I still haven't figured out a good way to show you how teeny tiny she really is. If you have any ideas, throw them my way!

We took it easy Saturday morning, then made a trip to the hospital and Target for the afternoon. Sunday was regular church activities. Today is Brian and Camden's last day off school (and since our break last week turned out to not really be a break), we're trying to take it easy today. Brian took down the Christmas tree while I ran to the hospital for bloodwork. We're actually cooking a full turkey dinner tonight and then back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

One more Addison picture wearing her fashionable sunglasses. I love her little hand grasping the cord.

Thousand Gifts 960-1,000

2012-01-02T05:00:00.000-06:00

When I started reading One Thousand Gifts last January and started this list, I could never have imagined what 2011 would hold for our family. But it was God's plan for my life that I begin this journey because this list has made such a difference. He knew that my naturally pessimistic self would not survive 2011. I needed something to turn my focus from the negative; to learn how to be thankful in the midst of hard times. I'm not going to pretend that I've mastered this, but it is something I'm committed to continuing. I don't know that I'm necessarily going to keep up a numbered list, but I am going to continue my list each Monday.

And if you haven't read One Thousand Gifts, I would encourage you to read it this year. The writing style is very poetic and beautiful. I prefer a writing style that is a little more straight forward, but the principles are so good and so worth learning.

961. the sight of Rory laying flat out on the floor because she's laughing too hard to stand

962. coming out of the fog

963. gingerbread houses

964. lab workers at the hospital on Christmas Eve

965. riding alone in the car singing Christmas carols

966. Eric Ripert's French accent

967. David Crowder band Carol of the Bells

968. "Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." Psalms 63:3

969. surprising the kids with a late night trip to see Christmas lights on Christmas Eve

970. "And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst.'" Zech. 2:5

971. kisses from Camden (these had disappeared from our schedule for a couple of years, but they're back)

972. hearing Camden read the Christmas story

973. merry and bright Christmas dress for Rory

974. restaurants that are open on Christmas Day so I don't have to cook

975. spending Christmas with family

976. how patient the kids were as we waited to open presents

977. beautiful weather in December

978. "I will give great thanks unto Jehovah with my mouth; Yea, I will praise him among the multitude." Psalms 109:30

979. pain medicine

980. lots of pain medicine

981. sleeping on the couch (no, really - I've recently discovered it's kind of comfortable)

982. feeling a little relief

983. safe arrival of Addison

984. Elizabeth's health

985. Dr. T

986. insurance approving CT scans

987. reassuring phone call from Dr. T at the end of a long day

988. a CA125 level of 16

989. that the CA125 has gone down twice in a row

990. a wonderful night of sleep after a long day at the hospital

991. no surgery!

992. my first glimpse of Addison - so precious

993. being able to see my parents and brother, even just for a day

994. cake balls

995. a relaxing Saturday morning

996. finishing up Project 365

996. watching The Help with Brian

997. sitting in the dark watching the tree lights flicker

998. watching the kids play Just Dance

999. feeling comforted even when circumstances are hard

1000. One Thousand Gifts

2011 Project 365 - final 2 weeks!

2012-01-01T09:37:00.001-06:00

I made it! This is my second year, and this year was many times more difficult than last year mostly because of how crazy life became beginning March 31, but I am so proud to have finished this project for our family. And, yes, I am definitely doing it again for 2012.

Goodbye, 2011

2011-12-31T22:36:00.000-06:00

I know this is going to sound wierd, but when I look back at 2011, I think of alot of good things. I also thinking of being bald, hospitals, unmeasurable tears, seeing my children struggle to understand what's going on, but mostly I think of all the extra time with my parents and sisters, all the friends who made us feel so loved, new friends, a sweet new niece who is here much too early but is doing well. Before bedtime tonight (which was an early 7:00 for the kids, thank goodness) we sat in the living room and asked the kids what they were grateful for this year. And as we all sat and listed thing after thing, I was struck again by how good God has been to us.

Not sure why I thought I could pull together my favorite pictures of the year, but here are a few anyway.

January

(this picture won a contest and Jasmine Star chose the winner, so definitely my January favorite!)

February

March

April

May

(I cannot believe how much he's changed this year)

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Addison Elizabeth, Day 2

2011-12-31T09:12:00.003-06:00

Because Addison is in the NICU and will probably stay for 4-6 weeks, she cannot have unlimited visitors. In fact, Michael and Liz had to choose 4 people, and only those 4 people get to visit. How fantastic is it that I'm the oldest sibling who happens to live in town and also happens to have a camera? :)

So here is Miss Addi on her second day in this world.

See that pacifier and how it's almost as big as her head?

Look at that hair!

I seriously adore the hair.

There is no way to describe how tiny she is until you actually see her, but here's a small indication.

That is one tiny tush.

Prepare to see a whole lot of Addison from here on out. :)

What a Crazy 48 Hours

2011-12-31T08:53:00.002-06:00

After not sleeping Wednesday night, I woke up on the couch Thursday morning at 5:18 to the news that my youngest sister Elizabeth was in the ER with preeclampsia and would be having an emergency c-section at only 31 weeks into her pregnancy. We woke the kids up, packed an overnight bag for them (because I also had an appointment for my gallbladder that day and we weren't sure what would be happening), rushed out the door, dropped the kids off at Brian's parents, then made it to the hospital. Elizabeth and baby Addison were doing well. Addison came out crying, was breathing on her own, her kidneys were working, but she was only 2 lbs and 13 oz. Elizabeth was still having some major blood pressure issues. We stayed with them for several hours then walked over to my doctor's appointment.

Now this is a new doctor to me. The surgeon I've used previously was out of town for Christmas, but God was certainly in control of this situation because Dr. T was absolutely amazing. Now, he didn't have good news for us, but he was amazing. He told me that surgery would be an open surgery and require 4-6 week recovery and an extended hospital stay. He sent me for bloodwork, x-rays, and a nuclear medicine hydro scan. Not only did he come to the hospital to read all of my previous CT scans with the doctor who took them, but he came down to see me while I was in the nuclear scan. He was unbelievably kind and attentive. He and his staff then spent 3 hours on the phone with my insurance company (and stayed in the office until nearly 7) while they tried to get a contrast CT scan approved. I finally had the scan and we got home about 8:30 Thursday night. He gave me his phone number and said to call if I needed anything.

There were some concerns that there was a new tumor on my gall bladder, and we were very discouraged as we left the hospital Thursday night. It was such a long day of nasty testing, I was worried about Elizabeth and Addison. We hadn't seen the kids all day. My parents drove all day from Oklahoma to be with all of us. I told Brian as we walked out to the car that I didn't know what to worry about first.

But then came some good news. Dr. T called me while I was waiting for the scan and told me that my CA125 level was 16. SIXTEEN! This is the lowest it's ever been. He was so kind to me, kept asking how I was feeling, asked how I was emotionally. He later told me that he has a daughter my age who had been through cancer, which I think explains his amazing concern and care for me. He called and talked to my oncologist as well as to my previous surgeon. I had an appointment to see him at 12:15 Friday, but he told me to come in as soon as I could and he would see me before everyone else.

I somehow managed to sleep well Thursday night. In fact, I don't even remember going to bed I was so exhausted. When we arrived back at Dr. T's office bright and early Friday morning, he caught up to me in the hallway, put his hands on me and asked how I was doing. Surprisingly enough, I felt SO much better Friday morning. We went back to the exam room, and basically he told me I was fine. All my bloodwork came back normal, liver, platelets, white blood cell counts, everything. The CT scan showed everything was fine. He was much more positive about my cancer progress than Dr. W has been. I cannot even tell you how relieved we were. This doesn't mean that I won't ever have surgery because obviously I do have gallstones and I've been in pain, but for now I don't need anything except to continue with my next appointment with Dr. W. He again gave me his phone number, talked to us for a while and said he'd see me in a few weeks.

I'm sure you can imagine the relief we feel. To know that I don't have to have major surgery, for there not to be a tumor on my gall bladder, for Addison to be doing well, for Elizabeth to be improving. It has been such a roller coaster for my family the last few days. I appreciate all the prayers so much. God is certainly good to us.

Christmas Photo Shoot

2011-12-29T21:24:00.000-06:00

While I had big plans to do some sort of official photo shoot with my kids, the reality is that chemo kicked my tail and I wanted to watch Tim Tebow play football so the photo shoot was kind of rushed. Okay, alot rushed. As in throw the kids in their clothes, drive down the road and stand them against an old barn. Fix my settings, press shutter down. Hope for the best. Good thing my kids are super cute!

And you should maybe count yourself lucky that I didn't have time to edit and publish all of my favorites (coughcough a mere 33 coughcough).

And for my photographer friends, if you're interested, I used my 70-200 lens. Settings were: f2.8, ISO 800, 1/200 SS. I decided to go with a little different feel so I processed them with Florabella Luxe II Milk action, reduced opacity to about 50%.

Christmas books

2011-12-28T12:30:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is wrapping up seasonal books every year, then letting the kiddos open them up one at a time each night leading up to Christmas (and they LOVE it). Here are the ones we have:

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (this one just might be my favorite)
God Gave Us Christmas by Lisa Tawn Bergren
Christmas in the Manger by Nola Buck
Llama Llama Holiday Drama by Anna Dewdney
The Wild Christmas Reindeer by Jan Brett
The Christmas Play by Clare Bevan
Shaoey and Dot: The Christmas Miracle by Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman
The Snow Must Go On by Molly Wigand
Angelina Christmas by Katharine Holabird
Auntie Claus by Elise Primavera
The Berenstein Bears and the Joy of Giving by Jan & Mike Berenstein
This is the Stable by Cynthia Cotten
Fancy Nancy Splendiferous Christmas by Jane O'Connor
The Legend of the Candy Cane by Lori Walburg
The Story of St. Nicholas by Voice of the Martyrs

This was our third year to do this, and as you can see, we don't have enough for the whole 24 days leading up to Christmas, but my goal is to get there. Soon. Any suggestions?

Better

2011-12-28T12:18:00.003-06:00

Well, either hydrocodone works better than Percocet (despite what the doctor tells me) or I'm feeling a bit better today. Either way, I feel a little more like myself and less like a burning ball of pain. (how's that for a description LOL) I actually talked to my nurse about some different pain meds yesterday because I felt so awful, but apparently a doctor can't just call in a prescription for stronger pain meds so she suggested I come into the ER and ask for it. And if that doesn't make you feel like a druggie, I don't know what will. Well, the look the pharmacist gives you when you ask if it's okay to take a sleeping pill along with the Percocet just might do it too. What can I say. The Percocet doesn't make me sleepy or even give me a little slur in my speech. LOL

I've been spending my days rewatching Downton Abbey in preparation for the new season starting in early January, reading this new YA book, trying to catch some on-line sales, and watching the kids play their new Just Dance Kids Wii game. They are hilarious! Camden is such a perfectionist that he tries his best to get it all right while Rory just giggles uncontrollably through the entire thing. I love it.

Brian's goal was to take each kid out individually for a little on-on-one time during his break. Last week he took Camden out for Target practice. Not only did I miss a picture of it, but according to Brian and his dad, Camden was quite good at hitting targets. Today he asked Rory what she wanted to do and she chose going out to eat Chinese so they're out for a few hours. I wonder when he's going to take this girl out for a date.

Camden giving it his all on Who Let the Dogs Out

giggling while watching Brian give dancing a try

ready for their date

Tuesday's Tidbits

2011-12-27T10:30:00.000-06:00

I learned the hard way that Trader Joe's does not replenish stock in their holiday items (think Candy Cane Joe Joe's and the European Sipping Chocolate I've been raving about). Note to self: buy them in bulk next year.

Anyone else completely irritated by all the spring clothes showing up in stores and on-line? It makes me feel pressure to start working on a spring/summer wardrobe which is ridiculous since Rory has many winter clothes in the closet still with tags on them!

While watching Cupcake Wars, Camden says, "there's nothing better than your cooking for me. I mean nothing. Well, except fried chicken."

At church on Sunday, Christmas morning, Brian let Rory come up and help lead in our final song: Go Tell it on the Mountain. It's her favorite, and she was so cute singing it out. I think I've mentioned before that she can't carry a tune to save her life, but she definitely does it joyfully.

This is totally random, but I love Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear.

The kids took the news we wouldn't be traveling to Oklahoma hard. They both cried, although Camden tried valiantly to hide it.

Talked to Dr. W today and he got me in with a surgeon, but not until Thursday morning. Not too thrilled about living with this pain until then, but it's the best he could do the week after Christmas. Unfortunately, this surgeon isn't my favorite Dr. H because he's out of the office this week, but it's someone in his practice so hopefully he's good. Not a big fan of using random surgeons I've never met before, but I'll take what I can get.

And a few scrap pages I haven't shared yet.

Lauren Grier: I Want to Bake You Cookies

Lauren Grier: A Month to Be Merry

The Lilypad: Document Your December

Happy Tuesday!

Christmas Decorating

2011-12-26T21:15:00.000-06:00

I realize this is a little late to the game, but I never got around to posting this question.

How often do you redo your Christmas tree decorations? I've done sort of a rustic snowman theme for about 8 years now, and it's not that I don't still like everything, but I'm itching to go in a whole new direction with big beautiful ornaments and ribbons. I'd probably let the kids put up their own tree so that the inner decorator in me could be happy. So is my tree due a remodel or do you just let it all go after you have kids and let your inner designer go until after they're out of the house?

My aunt makes these cute dough art ornaments every year for us.

I'm thinking after Christmas sales might give me a good opportunity for redecorating. :) I'd really like to go with teal, silver, and red.

Not What We Planned

2011-12-26T16:06:00.004-06:00

Instead of getting up early and driving to Oklahoma today, we got up really early and went to the ER where we spent most of the day. I had a CT scan, chest x-ray, and ultrasound. The official diagnosis is gallstones, although my liver enzymes are elevated so the ER doctor doesn't think it's quite as "simple" as that. He was unable to get in contact with my oncologist, so he sent me home with pain killers and strict instructions to return tomorrow morning. Our only option really is to have my gall bladder removed, but surgery while undergoing chemo is always a bit tricky because of a compromised immune system not to mention the fact that your body heals much more slowly. Oh, and the new drug I was supposed to start January 10 will have to be put on hold because of some of those serious side effects I mentioned previously. I kind of want to scream in frustration right now.

If you've read my blog for very long, you know how important our family get togethers are to us, and I am more sad than I can say to be missing out on Christmas with my family. Poor Brian has to break it to the kids, and they are going to be devastated. I am glad that this seems to be gallstones and not something cancer-related, but they hurt a whole lot! And not being able to travel is even worse.

I had a few Christmas related posts already scheduled and ready to go so I'm going to let those take over for the next few days. The pain killers are fairly effective as long as I don't move so I'm off to lay down and not move.

Headed to the ER

2011-12-26T04:23:00.003-06:00

After being up all night with pain in my side that only got worse as the night progressed, I'm headed to the ER. I would appreciate prayers.

Will update when I know something.

Christmas photos

2011-12-25T21:07:00.003-06:00

Just a couple of my favorite pictures from today.

Camden reading the Christmas story from Luke 2 - we always do this before opening presents, but it was the first time that he has read for us. I loved hearing it from his 8 year old voice.

And this would be the pose you get when you ask an 8 year old boy if they're excited. I promise it was a good thing, despite what you might think.

Rory hugging her stocking.

Quick family picture after church; excuse the fact that only half of us are in focus.

And this pretty much sums up the day.

Sidenote: could she be any cuter in that dress and hairbow (and the ruffle pants that you can't see)? I feel as if the outfit needs a complete photo session.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T06:30:00.000-06:00

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T15:23:00.003-06:00

Well, I have to say that this has been a decidedly un-festive Christmas Eve. :) I had to go to the hospital for bloodwork this morning since we'll be out of town Monday morning, and the rest of the day has been full of laundry. Brian is getting ready for church tomorrow morning as well as picking his parents up from the airport and taking Camden for a little target practice. I finished up baking cookies and we're having a frozen pizza for supper. Un-festive, right?

We're surprising the kids by letting them open a present tonight before bedtime and then when they think they're headed to bed, we're going to pile in the car to go look at Christmas lights. Tomorrow morning is a Christmas service at church, lunch with Brian's parents, and then presents later on in the afternoon. Monday morning we'll be driving to Oklahoma to spend the week with Becky and her family as well as my parents and brother.

I realized that I never posted pictures from this year's Christmas parade, but all you really need to know is that it was sad, very, very sad. Mostly trucks and cars with very few floats. Oh, and Rory was scared yet again despite talking a big talk all the way leading up to the parade. I'm not going to take time to post pictures, but here's a 2-page layout I did.

School's Out!

2011-12-23T09:30:00.001-06:00

Poor Brian actually had school 3 days before Christmas. How is that possible? He had volunteered several weeks ago to take both kids to school with him for the last day, and Rory has been more excited than I can tell you. She has informed everyone who walked through our door that she was going to go to her first school party. And judging by the smiles and stories she came home with, it lived up to her expectations. And a big thank you to Brian's friend and fellow teacher, Janelle, because I'm pretty sure she helped out a whole lot in making sure the kids had a good time. Brian says she's going to be a great grandma. :)

Somehow the kids seem a little more excited than Brian here.

On today's agenda is cleaning up this mess of a house, putting together a gingerbread house (heaven help us all), and just enjoying the first day of Christmas break on this cold Friday. Right now the kids are happily playing Iron Chef at the table with playdough supplies and phrases like "walk away, chef" and "I'm doing a better job of mincing than you are" and "what's the secret ingredient again?" are floating through the doorway making me laugh. Yes, we watch alot of Food Network around here.

Special Gifts

2011-12-22T16:30:00.000-06:00

I received two very special packages in the mail yesterday and wanted to share pictures with you. I'm one of those people that walks around art fairs and dreams about buying something one-of-a-kind but never quite commits. Well, yesterday I got 4 one-of-a-kind pieces from true artists.

Gerald and Kelly Hong (who also made our Christmas ornaments) made these three placques for us, and they are simply gorgeous. The pictures just do not do them justice. Thank you so much for your artistry, Gerald and Kelly, and thank you to the group of people who thought of this gift and arranged it for us. I can't wait to find the perfect spot in our home for these.

And not only the ceramic placques, but this necklace made by Amy Genz of Seoul Identity with my children's names on there. Gorgeous!

Hair Update

2011-12-22T10:53:00.000-06:00

Becky warned me it would happen, but I completely didn't believe her. Monday, however, as I was on the elevator at the hospital, two separate ladies joined me and completely raved about how fantastic my haircut was. How brave I was to cut it so short and they wished they had the face for it like I do. I decided not to embarrass them by telling them that actually I have cancer and it's just now growing back. That it's complete puppy fluff and I cannot even comb it because it just does whatever it wants to do. Now I expected my friends and family to like it, mostly because they love me and partially because I think I probably look a little healthier with some hair on my head (fluff or not). But random strangers?

It's been 2 weeks now since I stopped wearing scarves, and I have gotten WAY more stares with this little bit of hair than I ever did when I was wearing scarves and I have to say that it's a little disconcerting and makes me more than a bit self-conscious, but whatever.

And proof that I'm feeling better, I've been a scrapping fool in the last 12 hours.

Lauren Reid: Call Me (from The Digi Files)

The Tattered Pear: Bookmarked

I've been on a Michelle Coleman kick lately. This is her All is Bright kit, which you can only get as a subscriber to Little Dreamer Designs.

Still learning

2011-12-21T23:30:00.000-06:00

When Becky was diagnosed with cancer 4 and half years ago, it was just the worst thing to experience. So unexpected, so difficult to watch. But as bad as it was, I remember thinking that out of all of the Hale kids, she was the one who could handle it best, bring glory to God, impact the most people. Not that I wanted her to have it, of course, but I could see the grace and strength she had, and I watched her become stronger, more mature, more beautiful inside and out.

And I longed for that kind of change in my own life. Now I certainly would have never chosen cancer to bring about a change in me. I wouldn't have chosen it back in March, and I wouldn't choose it now. But the truth is that is has brought about a change in me. I'm softer; I have more joy; I have a more positive outlook on life; I'm more thankful; I might even be a little bit more patient (when not under the influence of steroids). And I say this not as any kind of "kudos to me" but more in a humble recognition of God's work in my heart.

But the last week has been tough. Really tough. I have battled in my mind for control. I have been cranky, maybe even downright hateful. There has been anger where there was no anger before. There have been thoughts of how unfair it all is. And we don't let our kids use the term "it's not fair" so I certainly shouldn't be thinking it. I have prayed and felt no peace. I have read Scripture and felt nothing. I have dodged phone calls. I have retreated into my iPad, stayed off the computer, etc.

But tonight, despite the fact that I do not feel well physically, I am finally battling my way out of this funk I've been in for the last several days. I don't think it's completely over, but my mind is starting to feel strong again. I feel the strength to resolve not to drift into that dark place that doesn't allow me to be thankful for all the blessings in my life. And I am grateful for the hope I have in Jesus, because I don't know how people who live without hope survive daily life, much less something like cancer.

This verse keeps coming to my mind: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Thanks again, friends, for all the messages and prayers. I am certain, as always, that they are what keep me going when life is hard.

Recipes

2011-12-21T16:00:00.000-06:00

You all know that I'm not great in the kitchen, but I do like to eat so I force myself to cook every so often. Here are a couple of things that we've tried recently that were definite successes.

Cheesy Chicken Soup

(this is from my mom and was apparently a weight watcher's recipe)

3 cans chicken broth

1 can rotel

2 lbs frozen California vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots)

2-3 cups shredded chicken

10 oz. velveeta cheese

Bring chicken broth and rotel to a boil, add vegetables and chicken. Simmer 35 minutes or until vegetables are cooked. Add cheese; eat after melting. This recipe should come with the caveat that it kinda looks like baby food, but I promise that it's delicious. You can also add diced potatoes if you like a little extra starch. And I should probably mention that I add more like 16 oz. of cheese. :)

Chocolate Chip cookies (made into holiday cookies)

I read this tip somewhere and decided to give it a try. Use your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe, but substitute white chocolate chips and add dried cranberries for a more festive cookie. I'm not going to retype the entire recipe (you can find it here); I will just say that this is a big cookie recipe, but really delicious. And it does make a difference whether or not you use bread and pastry flour instead of regular all-purpose; the texture really is better if you let them sit in the fridge for 3 days before baking. I mixed these up earlier this week and added both semi-sweet and white chocolate chips, dried cranberries as well as some pecans. I baked just one pan when I mixed them (because fresh chocolate chip cookies sounded really good on a rainy day at home), but won't bake the rest until Friday or Saturday.

(proof)

Turkey Lasagna Recipe

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup chopped yellow onion (1 onion)
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 pounds sweet Italian turkey sausage, casings removed
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes in tomato puree
1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste
1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley, divided
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil leaves
2 teaspoons kosher salt
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/2 pound lasagna noodles
15 ounces ricotta cheese
3 to 4 ounces creamy goat cheese, crumbled
1 cup grated Parmesan, plus 1/4 cup for sprinkling
1 extra-large egg, lightly beaten
1 pound fresh mozzarella, thinly sliced

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Heat the olive oil in a large (10 to 12-inch) skillet. Add the onion and cook for 5 minutes over medium-low heat, until translucent. Add the garlic and cook for 1 more minute. Add the sausage and cook over medium-low heat, breaking it up with a fork, for 8 to 10 minutes, or until no longer pink. Add the tomatoes, tomato paste, 2 tablespoons of the parsley, the basil, 1 1/2 teaspoons of the salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Simmer, uncovered, over medium-low heat, for 15 to 20 minutes, until thickened.

Meanwhile, fill a large bowl with the hottest tap water. Add the noodles and allow them to sit in the water for 20 minutes. Drain.

In a medium bowl, combine the ricotta, goat cheese, 1 cup of Parmesan, the egg, the remaining 2 tablespoons of parsley, remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Set aside.

Ladle 1/3 of the sauce into a 9 by 12 by 2-inch rectangular baking dish, spreading the sauce over the bottom of the dish. Then add the layers as follows: half the pasta, half the mozzarella, half the ricotta, and one 1/3 of the sauce. Add the rest of the pasta, mozzarella, ricotta, and finally, sauce. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup of Parmesan. Bake for 30 minutes, until the sauce is bubbling.

I have to say that the lasagna was pretty outstanding although I wasn't a huge fan of the seasoned sweet Italian turkey sausage I bought. I'll probably just buy regular sausage when I make it again.

And a few pictures of Rory from a teeny-tiny-not-much-thought-put-into-it photo shoot I did with the kids in their Christmas outfits. More "official" ones to come later.

Seriously could not be any sweeter.

Fairly certain that this exact shade of red is her color.

Stinker!

I had chemo today so starting to feel kinda gross. Hopefully, I'm going to pull myself out of this funk I've been in for days and get back to normal. Looking forward to a little quiet time tonight and tomorrow morning.

Thousand Gifts 935-959

2011-12-19T08:30:00.000-06:00

I had the bright idea of making a wreath for our front door, and when I saw these pretty silver and blue ornaments at Hobby Lobby, I thought that they would be perfect. Since it's mid-December and I was just getting it put together I thought maybe they could work for January too since blue might equal frosty/cold/snow/whatever. Two problems: (1) I can't make a bow to save my life so thank goodness for crafty 4th grade teachers. Brian took it to school and let his fellow teachers save me. (2) I somehow managed to forget that our front door is blue so my pretty blue ornaments kinda clash with the blue door. Oh, well. It was a good thought anyway.

We had a lovely Christmas get-together with our Sunday School class Saturday that included a white elephant gift exchange. And I love white elephant gift exchanges where you really get into the spirit and bring crazy things. It was a fun way to spend Saturday evening. And thank you to Brian who let me crash on the couch all day so I'd have the energy to have a good time.

Sunday Brian decided I needed a Christmas gift a little early and surprised me with a Keurig! I've been wanting one forever, and I have to say that the convenience of an instantly fresh hot cup of coffee is pretty fun. We both think there's kind of a weird aftertaste to the coffee, but several people have reassured me that we just need to run water through the system several times and we'll be good to go.

I've struggled alot more than usual mentally with this chemo treatment. I think it's hard to continue to stay positive when there's no end in sight. And it's becoming abundantly clear that there is no end in sight for me and chemo. I told Becky this morning that I'm really tired of being grateful for the small things. It is a constant mental struggle to not let fear overtake me, to stay positive, to be in a good mood despite everything happening.

And, of course, it's when I'm tired of working at being thankful that I need to work harder. And when we got off the phone, I pulled up my Thousand Gifts list, and was running through it before I posted and noticed #948 and #950 which I had written down last week. Clearly, I needed to read them again. I want to push forward and continue to be thankful. But it feels hard today.

And unless you've been a cancer patient, had multiple surgeries, etc, you can't understand the aches and pains that each day brings. Sometimes I just want to laugh when people ask how I'm feeling because I promise that you don't really want me to answer that honestly with my laundry list of issues. Today I'm headed to see my primary care doctor for my blood pressure and for yet another scar tissue issue - this time in a different spot. And I just feel tired by the constant presence of cancer in my life.

936. a new chemo drug to help prevent cancer from growing
937. that insurance approved it (it's very expensive)
938. late stay at school when I can't get there to pick up Camden quite on time
939. jolly baby in the Santa suit ahead of me in line at Michael's
940. Rory's hand massages
941. a warm December day
942. when Dr W called me a rock star
943. for fellow chemo patients who think I'm much younger than I really am
944. having tacos for lunch with Rory and Tina
945. " Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable." Isaiah 40:28
946. late night bursts of energy thanks to steroids
947. cute monogrammed shirts
948. this blog post on when you don't want to say thanks
949. cool breeze blowing through the house after warmer days
950. because thanksgiving is more than a holiday
951. Camden and Rory's excited faces when they see me after a day apart
952. good medical results for a friend
953. "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by." Psalms 57:1
954. a sweet owl canvas from an unexpected source
955. friends who can help out with wreath bows
956. a fun December night surrounded by friends
957. Trader Joe's European Sipping Chocolate
958. seeing Camden and Rory sing their little hearts out in the Christmas program at church

2011-Project 365, Weeks 49-50

2011-12-17T07:00:00.000-06:00

Almost there - two weeks left!

Friday Photo Dump

2011-12-16T16:38:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I don't really have alot of pictures, but I needed a title. :)

While I was still feeling halfway decent, Rory and I ran a few final holiday errands before my Neulasta shot on Wednesday as well as meeting Tina for a quick lunch. Rory and I both had the Korean tacos, which were delish!

So we're not really a Santa Claus family. Brian and I did not grow up believing in Santa Claus so he hasn't been an integral part of our Christmas traditions, but this year Rory is convinced he is real and argues with us when we try to tell her that he's just a fun story. She's been so cute about it that I decided it was time for a visit to Santa.

Telling him that her friend Tina was very good all year and that she would like a pillow pet and an Inkoo owl (both of which are already under the tree).

So the night I wrote this rambling post, I was also taking pictures of our tree at midnight. Managed to nail the sparkly light effect, but unfortunately the picture is crooked (and if I straighten the picture, it will cut off the top of the tree), not to mention the TV cabinet is in the corner. I have GOT to remember that this is a bad tree location next year.

Camden had a pizza party and pajama day at school Wednesday. Can you believe he's out on Christmas break as of 10:30 Thursday while poor Brian has another week to go? And, believe me. Brian is in desperate need of Christmas break.

Thank heavens for grandparents who live close enough to watch the kids because the only thing worse than chemo is having to take care of two children after chemo. Camden and Rory spent Thursday with Gram and Gramps while I spent the day in my chair snuggled up with my quilt and body bean.

And thank heavens for grandparents again today. It's been a rough treatment week and they came to my rescue this afternoon. First thing I did was make myself a hot mocha before taking a nap.

And I think you definitely deserve my mocha recipe.

1 cup hot coffee

1.5 TBS Trader Joe's Sipping Chocolate mix

1/2 tsp sugar

2 TBS half-n-half

1 dollop whipped cream

Happy Friday, everyone!

Sewing for a Sibling

2011-12-16T15:44:00.001-06:00

Catchy title, right? Did I make anyone do a double take?

Of course, this isn't for us! Not only do I not sew, but I'm 100% sure we are no longer eligible to adopt from anywhere. But my friend Laura, who has a sweet Korean daughter, is in the process of adopting a brother/sister for their little Olivia. She is raising funds by making these adorable appliqued shirts. You can read all the details here.

She made this monogrammed shirt for Rory, and I just adore it. The shirts would make perfect Christmas gifts/birthday gifts or you can buy one for no other reason than just cause they're so darn cute. You can be sure that Rory will be sporting another one soon.

Favorite Things

2011-12-15T09:51:00.002-06:00

I've been seeing Favorite Things blog posts all over the big world wide web and decided that I needed to do one for myself. And since I'm home alone cuddled up on the couch in a post-chemo haze, it seems like a good day for it.

Moroccan oi l - this is pricey, but fabulous for your hair (and one bottle lasts about 18 months). Makes your hair (if you have hair) shiny, healthier, and actually makes it dry more quickly. And, yes, I totally use this for Rory because I am one of those OCD mothers who blow dries her 5 year old's hair every. single. time. Her hair is quite thick and this helps us spend less time with the blow dryer. Plus it smells divine.

Naartjie - I love the style; they're soft cotton; and I love that they're sweet, unique, and age-appropriate clothes for little girls.

Amazing Grace by Philosophy - I'm kind of a big perfume fan and this scent has been on my wishlist for a long time. Birthday money combined with a Christmas sale and free shipping, and it now belongs to me. And it was worth the wait.

Fireside Marshmallow - this is one of those scents that I didn't love until chemo; not only did my tastebuds change, but apparently my scent preferences as well. It's now one of my absolute favorites and I have candles and wall flowers in this scent all throughout the house.

Moka Pot - a fabulous way to make your morning coffee/espresso.And it's even better when your husband has it all ready to go for you when he wakes you up in the morning. Brian's kind of great like that.

DimSum/Kimchi Kids ornaments - We buy a new dated Christmas ornament each year for the kids, and this year we chose these adorable handmade Korean ornaments made by a ceramic artists Gerald and Kelly Hong, who also happen to be friends and fellow adoptive parents.

The Office - I recently started watching the first season online on Netflix and it's become part of my nightly routine: (1) take sleeping pill, (2) watch an episode of The Office on my iPad in bed, (3) try not to shake the bed too much as I silently laugh.

The Lilypad - has always been my favorite scrapping store and even more so now that I've been a part of their creative team for about a year. Not only do they have fantastic scrapping supplies, but they have been incredibly kind and generous to our family this year.

Twilight Fresh Face Flow - I received a sample tube of this recently, and I love it enough to possibly spend actual money on it. It's a moisturizer/primer that gives my skin a visible boost. You can wear under your make-up as a primer or just alone.

This cute pair of earrings from Etsy. Becky has a pair of these and I've borrowed them a couple of times so when there was a Black Friday sale, I snatched them up for myself.

Brookstone Body Bean - Brian bought this for me as a decoy after he shopped for my birthday boots, and it has been the best present ever. You plug it into the wall for 15 minutes and it stays hot for 4 hours. Perfect for my aching muscles after chemo as well as keeping my cold feet warm.

Trader Joe's - a recent discovery for me, but not only do they have seriously fun treats like Cocoa Almond butter, Candy Cane Joe Joe's, chocolate covered edamame beans (seriously!), but their products are preservative-free and organic. Their milk is cheaper than Wal-mart, and their fresh produce is not only organic and delicious, but very comparable in price to Wal-mart.

Pomegranate, Argan, and Grapeseed from Crabtree and Evelyn - I just received this as an early Christmas gift from my friend Tina, and it is amazing.

Kelly Ripa - I love her self-deprecating humor. She just makes me laugh.

Fancy Nancy books - if you have a little girl, she needs these books. They are clever, brilliantly illustrated, infused with fancy French words, and Rory loves them.

DVR - a recent splurge in our household, and I don't know how we've lived without it.

Jesus Calling - I know I've mentioned this here before, but it's a lovely daily devotional book.

iPad 2 - a serious, serious splurge, but so amazing. The morning after my big surgery back in March (in fact, I think it was the week the iPad 2 was released) Brian left the hospital to go to the Apple store and returned with the iPad.

And a few things that I don't actually own, but feel as if they would be my favorite things if I did. :)

I think this owl hat is the cutest thing ever. On my wish list although let's be honest. I'm probably never going to buy myself an owl hat.

This little sister/big brother print by Kilsook. LOVE it.

Devoted bracelet by Lisa Leonard - It's Lisa Leonard. Enough said.

Pitter Patter Art - a blogger/artist who is in the process of adopting. She does fabulous mixed art media/canvases. My friend Joy has a Korean adoption related canvas which I love, and the newest canvas that spoke to me is this one.

A Lola Epiphanie camera bag. I have a Jo Tote that I love, but now that I own the mother of all zoom lenses, I need something bigger.

Well, had no idea this post was going to morph into novel-length. Can't blame it on steroids today so we'll chalk it up to a pain-killer high. Happy Thursday, my friends.

(And don't go broke shopping now that I've linked you up to so many fun things.)

Click

2011-12-14T06:30:00.000-06:00

Rory taking a picture of me taking a picture of her. :) She's recently re-discovered her pink camera and might have been overhead telling Camden to "pretend to enjoy yourself so the picture looks good."

Late Night Ramblings

2011-12-13T22:23:00.001-06:00

1. Thanks to Andrea for driving me to chemo today. I'm always a little anxious on the way in and the very few times I've had to drive myself, it's been a little lonely coming home. But not today.

2. A fellow chemo patient today thought I was in my 20's. Score.

("score" would be a term I'm borrowing from Becky)

3. I did not wear a scarf today to chemo, and all the nurses and doctors did a double take since they didn't recognize me. So wierd. I recognize me with hair, bald, and with a little puppy fluff.

4. Dr. W. is adding Avastin, a new drug which will help prevent cancer cells from growing, to my current Gemzar routine. Good news is that it won't make me feel any worse. Bad news is that in a small percentage of patients it causes severe side effects involving blood clots, kidney failure, ulcers, and holes in your bowel. Good times.

5. I've been instructed to head directly to my primary care doctor for blood pressure medicine. I guess it's not a good thing to consistently have blood pressure of 150/100. Not to mention the new medicine can also increase blood pressure. More good times.

6. I would feel a whole better about myself and this blog if I would have put a little effort into those redecorating pictures. They're driving me insane.

7. Yes, I had my regularly scheduled post-chemo oreo ice cream treat before bedtime tonight.

8. Yes, I had steroids today and am very talkative.

9. Dr. W. called me a rock star because my counts have stayed in such good shape. When most patient's blood levels plummet, mine have just gone up resulting in no missed chemo for me, no blood transfusions, etc.

10. He also said there is no explanation for why I felt so good during my last cycle, but I do. It was the organized, collective day of prayer from my friends on November 11.

11. Speaking of puppy fluff (see #3), I seem to have developed Wolverine-like sideburns which are not in the least bit attractive. Dr. W. took a very close look and said there's nothing to be done about it (because we thought it might be hormone related since I'm in menopause at age 36 due to a very unexpected and thorough hysterectomy). Nope. Just extra hair where I've never had hair before. Oh, the irony.

12. Must. take. sleeping pill. and. attempt. sleep. before. I. over-share.

13. Rory spent the day at Gram's house and declared it to be "the awesomest day ever." Never really got out of her why it was so awesome, but she certainly looks like it was awesome, doesn't she?

14. The ever-so-cute pigtails are back only until she gets a haircut next week. And we're going even shorter, baby.

15. Seriously. Make me stop talking.

Tuesday Tidbits

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

Mommy, I only say this cause I love you . . . but you're the nicest mommy ever. - Rory

Anyone else a Sing-Off fan? I've been using them as my entertainment while I'm on the treadmill and now I've finished all the episodes. Pentatonix finally won me over with their Born to be Wild rendition in week 8, but the Dartmouth Aires were my absolute favorite every single week. And I love that the judges all seem to make sense (not to mention actually know what they were talking about) and were kind as opposed to other singing reality shows like American Idol (which I watch) and The Voice (which I probably won't watch again).

Are we going to read a book at nap? Wait. I know the answer. Because I'm smart like that. - Rory once again.

It would be wrong to attempt a gingerbread house purely for the sake of cute pictures, right? Especially knowing that I'm going to be heavily medicated the next couple of days?

Running out of return address labels is not a good thing when you're addressing 250 Christmas cards. I apologize for the messy writing in advance.

I have been fighting off a cold for the last 4-5 days. So far I've been winning the fight, and I'm hoping that chemo this week won't push me over the edge.

And speaking of chemo, I go back today. The last two weeks have been a wonderful break although in those two weeks I had not only an abscess on my stomach but a CT scan so it wasn't exactly a break from all things medical, but it was wonderful. I fought a bad attitude on Sunday, but am feeling a little more calm. While it seems logical that because I've had a bit of a break, I'll be stronger throughout this next treatment, the reality is that when I've had a break I feel the chemo medicine even more. It's not fun, but I'm trying very hard to take it one week at a time.

And a few random pictures:

outtake from yesterday

after church Sunday morning

wearing her "fancy" dress from my grandma

and this one was just supposed to be my test shot, but I ended up kinda loving it in b/w

Happy Colors (Part 2)

2011-12-12T16:04:00.002-06:00

So as soon as I got home from the hospital in April after my big surgery, I did several things: (1) made an appointment for the piano to be tuned (no idea why this was so important since it hadn't been done in several years, but I really wanted it done), (2) threw out those old green dishes in preparation for new ones (which I didn't buy for 7 months), and (3) decided we were going to do some redecorating in the house. It's not our house; we rent it from the church so when we moved in 4 years ago, we pretty much left it as is. Think all neutral walls, old cabinets, old brown ceiling fans, old wooden doors, etc. We're very happy here, but it didn't exactly fit my style.

(and as always I feel I should apologize in advance for the out of focus and bad white balance in the pictures, but I'm not re-doing or editing them)

So here's our bedroom before. Boring with a capital B. I had a reason for going all neutral when we moved in. The room is about half the size of our previous bedroom, and the patterns in our bedding made me feel claustrophobic in the small room. I thought using a neutral palette would make the room would feel larger.

But when I came home from the hospital, I decided I needed happy, happy colors. We took down the bedframe, bought an old door, painted it and hung it on our wall as a headboard. Removing the footboard gave us an extra foot or two at the end of the bed.

I bought all white bedding and white curtains, then bought fabric in bright colors to make pillows.

And we've added this pillow since I took the pictures. My mom sewed the pillow and made that cute fabric flower.

She's also responsible for these cute fabric flowers on the lampshade.

We used our pictures from Angela Crutcher as decorations for the room.

I ordered a few prints off Etsy and framed them (print 1 and print 2). I really wanted to paint the frames, but never got around to it.

Covered a piece of board in fabric then framed it and glued a monogrammed L on it. Excuse the cords. It's still a work in progress and that is on Brian's "to do" list.

Bought white curtains then added fabric to the top.

Next up is Rory's room. I bought this cute owl bedding from Target; Brian's mom found this antique bed for her and we bought it at a going-out-of-business sale for $34. I'd like to repaint her room, but I'm pretty sure that's not happening anytime soon.

Added new bright ribbons to her name.

And then the bathroom. Becky came up with this color scheme of the blue. I wanted a white/black shower curtain.

And then we added this adorable set of prints for a pop of red, which I absolutely love.

In the kitchen, we repainted this old shelf I've had since early on in our marriage. My poor dad painted this two previous colors (with who knows how many coats of paint) before Brian put him out of his misery and told him I still hadn't decided on a color. I ended up spray painting it, and my mom made the cute wreath.

And then we updated the arrangement over the piano. Obviously, this is a bit of a fall theme so I'll have to make some changes as the seasons evolve.

I put my poor mom to work on all those visits she made this summer/fall to help take care of me. I found lots of inspiration on pinterest and she was always willing to help me out. Brian replaced ceiling fans (although we still have one more to go), repainted lots of doors to make them all white, and ended up spending countless hours on that headboard. He bought the oldest door ever and stripped and sanded it during the hottest part of the summer. I am so not kidding when I say he probably spent 3 full days working on just getting it ready to paint.

I'm not completely satisfied with the house, but I am much happier with the bright colors. I wish I were craftier because I have lots of other projects in mind.

Thousand Gifts 901-934

2011-12-12T10:40:00.000-06:00

I hope your weekend was as fun as ours. Friday night I met my friend Tina for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen and then a movie (New Years Eve), and it was just lovely. Brian took the kids to his parents house for his birthday dinner. Now I didn't miss out on this dinner on purpose (they had to reschedule unexpectedly) but since Brian had requested liver and onions (ICK), I wasn't too sorry to have other plans.

Saturday we took on the project of finishing all our Christmas shopping, seeing a Christmas movie, as well as taking Brian out to lunch for his birthday. We managed to accomplish the Christmas shopping and lunch. For the last 4 years, we've taken the kids to the Nashville Children's Theater every year at Christmas, which we l.o.v.e. But this year they weren't showing anything we were too excited about so we chose to take them to see Arthur Christmas instead. It was adorable. Lots of Christmas fun, love for family, etc. I definitely recommend it.

Sunday was church, then an afternoon of football and naps - the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I had this big idea in my head that I wanted the kids to help with all the Christmas wrapping so they could see presents don't just magically appear for all our loved ones. Let's just say that an hour and a half of wrapping with the kids was pretty much punishment for Brian and I, but I think they had a good time. I may not try that again any time soon, however.

I have been feverishly working to finish everything holiday related before tomorrow since I will be heading back to my doctor's office and the chemo room. For the most part, I have it all accomplished. I had to set aside the homemade gifts I had planned (Trader Joe's rescued us), the Christmas crafts I was hoping to complete with the kids are just not going to get done, but presents are wrapped, Christmas cards are (mostly) in the mail, packages are sent, there are a few Christmas cookies in the freezer, we've had our Christmas outing, and I think I'm ready to settle in and take it easy.

And one quick picture. We see the same coffee barista every Monday morning at the hospital where I get my bloodwork done, and this morning she made Rory her very own iced coffee (a.k.a. chocolate milk). As you can see, Rory was just a tad excited.

901. big fluffy snowflakes

902. holiday template class

903. 8 hours worth of Christmas music in my Christmas itunes folder

904. watching Camden be brave while getting his tooth pulled

905. that the dentist could get us in right away

906. Brian's birthday

907. seeing the sun after rain for several days

908. pink sky at twilight

909. Rory's sheer joy in helping with the Christmas cards

910. spending an afternoon with both kids

911. homemade hot chocolate

912. Rory's "mmmmmm"

913. cold weather to wear scarves in (around my neck, not head)

914. going without a head scarf

915. Marshmallow Fireside candles

916. watching Psych with Brian

917. when Brian has coffee ready for me when I get up

918. when Brian has my Body Bean heating up on a cold morning

919. just Brian

920. a night out with a friend

921. The Office late at night

922. celebrating Brian's birthday with a day together as a family

923. skipping liver and onions :)

924. fun sales

925. sugar snap peas

926. Arthur Christmas with the kids

927. reminders of how blessed we are

928. "bring the rain" from What Women Fear

929. happy colors in my house

930. pretty Christmas wrapping paper

931. homemade gingersnaps

932. reading the Truth in the Tinsel every night with the kids and all the different ways to tell the Christmas story

933. coffee barista who makes treats for Rory too

934. the phlebotomist who tells me about her daughter-in-law's win over cancer every time I see her

My Little Helper

2011-12-09T11:54:00.001-06:00

I am making a renewed effort to let Rory help me around the house. It requires patience, obviously, but I need to be better (much, much better actually) at this. The last few days she's helped me bake Brian's birthday cake, make supper, roll cookies in sugar, etc. Becky and my mom are gasping in shock right now, just so you know. Let me shock them even more: we did a craft.

Her favorite activity this week has been helping with Christmas cards. And if she's willing to stuff and lick 250 cards, then I'm more than willing to let her help!

love the concentration on her face

licking the envelope is apparently the best part

and a sneak peek of our card :)

I am working on scrapping both last Christmas and this Christmas simultaneously. Wish me luck.

Credits here (all from The Lilypad, of course!)

Credits here (all from The Lilypad again)

Happy Colors (part 1)

2011-12-08T09:54:00.001-06:00

Some people collect dishes. I'm not one of them. My sister Becky has multiple sets of really great dishes. I always admire dishes, but they're just not something I spend money on. But for years I've been dreaming of getting rid of the old Martha Stewart K-Mart dishes we've had for the last 11 years. They weren't microwave save, they're chipped, we're missing a few of them. And the dishes I've coveted for the last 3-4 years are Fiesta Ware. And when I saw them on sale on Black Friday and remembered the fun money some sweet friends sent me, I knew that was how I was going to spend the money.

So I came home with 8 place settings in really, really happy colors: Peacock, Scarlet, Marigold, Shamrock. I love them. They brighten up the kitchen, and they're just plain fun to use.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to take the right photographs of these over the last few days and finally decided I was just going to have to be happy with what I had.

And this picture is for my mom who didn't think we could fit them in our cabinets. :)

Next up on the wishlist is serving dishes!

Our Wednesday

2011-12-08T08:34:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was Brian's birthday, and after 3 days of rain the weather was supposed to clear off. I'd been waiting all week to go birthday shopping. Brian is always SO good to me, and this year he has surprised me many times. The most recent being Becky's trip to see me for my birthday and my birthday boots. Did you happen to see them on my Project 365 page? In case you didn't, here's a picture.

Anyway, back to Wednesday. It was still raining, about 35 degrees, and then the rain turned to snow. Not only the snow, but Brian had scheduled the heating/air guy to service our heater as well as the one at church. And then Camden was complaining about his tooth. I checked it, and he had a big abscess on both sides of the tooth with a silver cap. Yuck! I took him to school, called the dentist, and they were able to get us in at 10:30. So back home to clean up, then pick Camden up from school, off to the dentist where they decided to pull it. He was such a trooper! He barely whimpered, while I stood next to him gripping his ankle (the only body part I could get to) and shed a few tears myself. Camden and I both shared several laughs as Rory kept asking throughout the day, "is your face dumb?"

So all of that to say that I did not get to birthday shop for Brian. But I did get to have kind of a fun quiet day home with the kids. Poor Camden was not feeling great so he camped out on the couch for a while. They both helped me wrap up pictures of what I was planning to buy Brian for his birthday as well as a few Christmas gifts. And let me just say that it took a L.O.N.G. time to wrap presents with an 8 year old and 5 year old "helping." And apparently a trip to the dentist, grocery store, then a day home with both kids was enough to seriously tire me out because I crashed at 6:00 last night.

I also made homemade hot chocolate for them. Camden promptly declared that he would never drink the mix kind with marshmallows again. Exactly what I think too, Camden.

This was kind of an outtake, but Rory cracks me up. She was in the middle of a "Mmmmmmmm."

And when the dentist asked if I wanted to keep Camden's tooth, I said no. Then I got a good look at it and said yes because I knew it had to be my picture of the day. :)

You see the roots on that thing? I can't believe the dentist just pulled it out of his mouth, and I can't believe Camden was so great about it. I think I would have been a blubbering mess. I've said it before, but Camden may be a bit of a baby about little things like paper cuts or hang nails (or any number of things), but when it comes to something big, he is a trooper.

Lights

2011-12-07T08:45:00.001-06:00

Clearly, we went with colored lights this year. Camden is ecstatic. He's been wanting colored lights for years. Personally, I'm thinking that white lights are a little more my style, but they do certainly brighten up the living room. I'm willing to sacrifice personal style for the children when it involves Christmas trees. :)

As for how I took this picture (because I'm sure you're dying to know), I put it on manual focus, used my widest aperture so the bokeh would be round, then snapped away. I used my 35mm lens and the settings are f2.0, 1/30 SS, ISO 2000. I have yet to master a Christmas tree picture with, you know, actual people and something in focus, but I'm working on it.

And Happy Birthday to the best husband ever! Rory thinks he's turning 55. :)

The Lone Ranger

2011-12-06T08:39:00.000-06:00

Today is History Day at school, and the 2nd graders were to dress as a character in history. They've been studying American History so cowboys were on the list (thank heavens - I was sweating just thinking about trying to attempt some creative costume). As is usual for him, he was extremely nervous about the whole bandana and hat thing and will probably spend the day adjusting them endlessly. But I think he looks pretty darn cute.

And, yes, I totally made him step outside for the picture even though it is drizzling rain and 40 degrees outside. I HATE pictures taken indoors on a gray, dreary day. Don't worry; my kids are used to enduring extreme weather conditions for the sake of photography. :)

And just a few Tuesday Tidbits. I really need to get better at writing these down instead of relying on my memory.

Rory recently told a friend that a trip to Disney was on her summer list for next year. And I use the term "recently" loosely because it was actually a couple of months ago.

The kids continue to get along better than they ever have before. This is 4 weeks now of laughing and playing hard. I mean to the point that they can hardly wait to be finished with supper so they can get back to playing together. This is definitely a new experience for us. Not that there isn't any fighting, but they seem to be working it out between them without interference from us. Although Brian did catch them headed to the computer room last week to "wrestle it out" in Camden's words.

I received a letter from our insurance company yesterday asking me to fill out a survey now that I no longer need their cancer support program. Glad to know they think it's all over with.

My dad introduced Camden and Rory to The Lone Ranger on one of his visits this summer and when I asked Camden why he chose a cowboy for History Day, he replied, "Because The Lone Ranger is kind of cowboyish."

I made good headway into compiling my Christmas card list, but hope to finish it today. Also working on a Christmas album with last year's pictures. I think Rory and I are going to wrap some presents today as well as work on learning Isaiah 9:6 (For to us a child is born. . . and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.").

Four Cousins

2011-12-05T15:00:00.001-06:00

Yes, we attempted photos with an 8 year old and three 5 year olds. It went surprisingly well. Much better than when they were 5 and 3.

See? Definitely better. And, no, my editing isn't messed up - we changed grassy locations to a dead grassy location apparently.

My personal favorite even though their feet are cropped and it's off centered, but not enough off-centered to be intentional. ;)

And this outtake cracked me up. Becky certainly looks mischievous, doesn't she.

A quick one of the boys. They are way too cute in those coats.

I didn't even attempt to take one of my own two together. Another time.

Thousand Gifts 745-900

2011-12-05T09:00:00.000-06:00

After taking Camden to school, a trip to the bank, then off to the hospital for bloodwork in very, very wet weather, Rory and I are safely home for the day. She is cuddled up with a blanket watching Sesame Street while I settle in at the computer with some coffee from my favorite hospital barista.

I actually scrapped over the weekend. Never mind that it literally took me 4 days to actually finish this page.

While I haven't posted my list in several weeks, I have been keeping up. Only 100 more to go before January 1!

745. trick-or-treating even if it's a bit late

746. a certain little girl with pink streaks in her hair

747. Veteran's Day

748. Camden's pride at singing "It's a grand old flag, it's a high flying flag . . . " as he marched around the living room

749. finishing up our Christmas card early

750. Michael J. Fox's quote: "don't live where your diagnosis is going to take you; live where you are right now."

751. the most manageable chemo round yet

752. birthday lunch at Olive Garden

753. good 5 year check-up for Rory

754. nurses who worry about my immune system

755. lunch bunch

756. seeing a missing member of lunch bunch and catching up

757. teal bracelets from Tina

758. leaving bright and early on Sunday morning

759. leaving a clean house

760. traveling with Liz

761. safety for all of us traveling during Thanksgiving break

762. celebrating birthdays (again) together with Mom, Dad, Becky, Liz, Matt, Camden, Rory, William, and Xavier

763. having Becky with me on another photo shoot

764. successful shopping trip with Mom and both sisters (maternity clothes are not easy to find!)

765. a yummy soup made by Matt

766. being able to leave the kids with Uncle Matt while we shopped

767. Whitey's

768. x 2

769. how well the four cousins played together

770. hearing their squeals of laughter

771. watching them wrestle and (mostly) not hurt each other

772. Cosby show reruns

773. not hurting myself (seriously) when I fell . . .

774. . . .twice

775. pictures that make me smile

776. a close parking spot

777. 4 smiling, beautiful children that I could not love more

778. Brian being able to drive up for Thanksgiving after work

779. Liz's baby shower

780. seeing old childhood friends

781. and watching my kids play with their kids

782. a thankful tree

783. Thanksgiving appetizers, specifically the Neiman Marcus dip

784. Thanksgiving feast

785. having my grandpa bless the meal

786. catching a sweet moment between cousins

787. a successful family picture with all 21 of us

788. the group walk after the Thanksgiving feast

789. that I was able to walk 3 miles and make it back up the hill with little problem

790. the sound of my family gathered around praying for me

791. their tears

792. feeling their love

793. Jesus Calling: "Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. . . " and how that has been true in my life over the past 7 months.

794. smores over a fire

795. talking, both lightly and in earnest, about our Thousand Gifts list with Becky

796. reliving childhood memories through boxes of old photos and letters

797. a flip book of Scripture

798. church with my mom, dad, and brother

799. hearing my mom sing in the choir

800. a lovely worship service

801. a sermon on prayer and supplication

802. for the "coincidence" of that sermon being just what I needed to hear

803. prayers and hugs from Pastor Mel

804. peanut M&M's

805. only having to drive 2 hours in the rain

806. the kids playing in the back seat

807. a full night's sleep (the first in several days) back in my own bed with my own pillows

808. a husband who was not only able to come home a little early when I wasn't feeling well, but who was willing to

809. hot turkey and rice soup on a cold night

810. pain relief

811. Becky's recovered pictures

812. James 1:2-3, " . . when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your endurance is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."

813. discovering the perfect scrapping kit for a page that's been in my head for a while now

814. buying that kit even if it wasn't on sale

815. Andrea who was able to drop everything to drive me to the doctor's office

816. just an abscess

817. antibiotics

818. "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103

819. a friend who passes along Psalm 16

820. calm on scan day

821. trip to Trader Joe's with Brian

822. a quiet afternoon

823. colorful fiesta ware

824. friends who provided the "fun" money to buy the fiesta ware

825. bright, bright sun

826. folding laundry with Rory while cranking up the Christmas music on iTunes

878. Joy to the World (Unspeakable Joy) by Chris Tomlin

879. starting the Truth in the Tinsel book with the kids for December

880. my Jesus Calling book, such a blessing in my life right now

881. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24

882. Camden's thoughtfulness in remembering to ask about my day and my scan results.

883. His "I will go CRAZY, I mean CRAZY if it shows no more cancer."

884. stable scan results

885. new recipes

886. that it's still my neck Rory wants to hide in

887. Camden bringing parade candy to Rory when she's too scared to get it herself

888. colored lights

889. being surrounded by prayers at church

890. chicken cheese vegetable soup with Michael and Liz

891. football on Sunday afternoon

892. "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation" Habakkuk 3:17-19

893. safety on wet roads

894. the coffee barista at the hospital

895. happy Christmas music playing all day long

896. KimChi kid ornaments
897. "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26 - found on a Christmas card received in the mail this weekend

898. no melanoma

899. Camden's renewed effort at prayer

900. Rory's long rambling prayers using words she has no understanding of

She Can Hang With the Big Boys

2011-12-04T17:11:00.001-06:00

A few things about Rory and the big boys.

She desperately wanted to play with them.

Brian desperately tried to teach them all abut touch football.

Clearly, the lesson did not work.

Camden was so sweet because he tried to protect her from William and Xavier although as you can see, he didn't have trouble tackling her himself.

They had the best time.

Thanksgiving, Part 2

2011-12-04T16:43:00.001-06:00

So writing this post a little closer to Thanksgiving probably would have been a good idea because (1) I would have remembered alot more details (although you're probably glad I'm not including them and (2) okay, totally can't remember the reason I thought there were two reasons. Chemo brain. And forgive all the quality issues with the pictures. There is no time to edit pictures and post them, so I'm just posting.

So Monday was a photoshoot and the kids playing really, really well. Good start to the break!

Tuesday my brother brought lunch to us as well as Whiteys, the best ice cream you'll ever have. My go-to is a chocolate oreo malt. And super-hero Matt also watched all three boys while the girls went shopping for maternity clothes for Liz.

Wednesday night we had a family and friend baby shower for Liz so mom (a.k.a. grandma) gave all the kids chores to do while Becky and I ran to the salon so I could get my eyebrows waxed. Big milestone, people! We also had a photo shoot with the 4 cousins that is cute enough to deserve it's own post.

Super cute cake for Baby Addison

Elizabeth opening presents. Pretty much the only shot I got. Yes, I'm a loser as a shower photographer.

A friend from high school brought her kids to the shower specifically so they could meet me since they pray for me every night. Rory was in heaven with new friends to play with (Brian, Uncle Matt and Grandpa had taken the 3 boys for a train ride and ice cream).

Thursday was Thanksgiving. There was a whole lot of family around, which was chaotic and fun. We even took a big family picture (post on that at a later date).

Rory helping Aunt Dana make rolls.

After the Thanksgiving meal, the younger ones headed outside for a little activity. Handstands came first.

Then a few family pictures.

Next up was football.

Believe it or not, there are 3 boys in this picture.

Even the horses got in on a little football.

And speaking of horses. . .

At almost dark, some of us decided we'd had too much to eat and needed to walk it off. A 3-mile walk helped. Thank you, Becky, for the picture.

Friday Becky and I did a little Black Friday shopping despite neither of us sleeping the night before. We ended up with a few things for the kids, but the big purchase was for me (once again, post about that later). Starbucks was also involved. Twice. But only because they made our drinks really disgusting the first time. Mom and dad had a bonfire and weiner roast for the kids (Becky took pictures of that for me), and there was another long cold walk after dinner.

William and Xavier kind of liked having Camden to read to them. They would escape to the bedroom and their sleeping bags and read to their heart's content. Just so you know, I was standing on top of the bed to take this picture and nearly fell. ;) I did manage to fall twice outside and twisted my ankle, but saved my camera and lens.

The kids also did a little horseback riding, but this is what happens when you're lazy and hand the camera over to Aunt Liz.

We put the kids in their coordinating Christmas p.j.'s and took a quick picture. The kids were troopers because it was like a frozen tundra out there.

And Grandma reading one last story on the final night. We also introduced the kids to The Cosby Show during this trip, although I think the adults laughed more than the kids.

Oh, and we managed to take some pictures of the 4 siblings although don't look too closely because all the girls are wearing p.j.'s underneath their coats.

Yes, I am not only the oldest, but the shortest. With the least amount of hair.

Phew, anyone else tired? But I feel much better about myself now that these are posted. Now if I didn't have a dozen other posts in the works waiting to be posted.

And in case I didn't mention it here earlier, it was a wonderful week filled with family, fun, lots of good food, and a whole lot of laughter. Might have been the best Thanksgiving ever.

2011-Project 365, Week 40-48

2011-12-03T14:27:00.000-06:00

Do not. I repeat, do not allow yourself to get 8 weeks behind on your Project 365. Because it is not fun trying to get caught up.

Thankful

2011-12-02T14:01:00.000-06:00

My nurse called not once, but twice. Somehow I missed her both times. When I returned her call, the receptionist put me on hold for 10 minutes, and I literally thought I would throw up. But when her voice popped up in my ear, it was to say, "Your scan says the cancer is stable." And I could breathe again.

I know many of you are praying for complete healing. So am I. But the reality is that a scan showing the cancer is stable is a victory. My CA125 level was back down to 24 this week. That's a victory. We'll do 3 more rounds of this treatment and live through the whole scan/waiting experience again in about 3 months.

This is our Thankful Tree from Thanksgiving. Rory was given the job of making sure everyone wrote something they were thankful for on one of the little leaves that my mom cut out by hand (Rory declared her "a good cutter." I was a little late to the game and wanted to write more, but my two things were "family and more time." That's still what I'm thankful for. And "more time" is also my Christmas wish.

Thanksgiving Part 1

2011-12-01T09:46:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you're thrilled to realize there are several parts to this Thanksgiving recap. :) I'm also sure you'll be thrilled for me when I say I actually made a "to do" list for Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday, and I am currently working my way through Thursday's list.

So this post is all about Monday. As in last Monday. The weather was beautiful outside, which doesn't always happen in northern Illinois in late November, but the kids were able to wear a jacket and play outside to their heart's content. And play they did! There was a whole lot of wrestling, a whole lot of hay bale climbing (which I do not have pictures of, but Becky probably does), horse ride (once again don't have pics, but it's because I was gone on a photo shoot).

Becky and I have decided that this might be the perfect age for all of our kids to play together. I cannot even begin to tell you how much fun they had. There were no fights, no hurt feelings, lots of obedience, and just a whole lot of playing.

(by the way for my photography friends, I used my 70-200 lens for all these outdoor pics, settings were: f5.6, 1/500 SS and 320 ISO)

No worries. He only looks like it hurt.

The look on William's face cracks me up. So intent on catching her.

We asked them to just drop down where they were, and because they were so happy about all the wresting/playing, they cooperated and smiled with little prompting.

An outtake - you can see they're getting a little tired of the pictures.

And I have no idea what they're doing, but it was the last one in the series.

Reading together before bedtime.

Talking to daddy (who was still at home)

And one little peek for Jake. He's a family friend and I've known him since his parents brought him home from the hospital. His adoption was my first experience with building your family, and I remember being so incredibly happy for his parents. Jake, I'll get your CD in the mail in the next couple of days. Hope you like them.

It's Scan Day #2

2011-11-30T17:06:00.000-06:00

I had my CT scan this morning that will tell us if the new chemo drug is working, not working, keeping the cancer stable, etc. I know alot of people are praying for us today, and I've been able to keep my emotions in check much better this time around. I think I've gotten alot of practice lately in blocking off the worrisome thoughts that want to run rampant in my head; alot of practice in trusting that God is still in control. Those little anti-anxiety pills Dr. W prescribed for days like this don't hurt either. :) We should know results sometime in the next day or two.

Because my scan was so early in the morning, Brian and I had a couple of hours to run errands. We ended up having lunch, hitting up Target and Trader Joe's. I had a whole lot more shopping planned, but I was (and am) feeling more and more exhausted as the day went on so we came home early and enjoyed a quiet afternoon (the kids are at Gram and Gramp's house).

Do you all know that tomorrow is December 1? How did that happen? Where did the fall go? I am struggling with feeling overwhelmed with everything that I want to get done (most of it fun stuff, although there's definitely some work in there). I want to continue traditions we already have, make new ones, keep up with scrapping those memories, etc. And that doesn't even take the house, laundry, Christmas shopping, or meals into account. I really need to take a little time to make a list, which would make me feel so much more organized and on top of things. Maybe I'll do that tonight and wake up ready to go tomorrow.

Still haven't gone through my senior photo shoot or my pictures from Thanksgiving other than to pull out a few here and there. This is one Becky took of me and Brian right after he arrived Wednesday night. We're embracing the haze, my fellow photographers.

Update

2011-11-29T12:14:00.001-06:00

For those of you waiting on an update, the nasty spot is an abscess. It's painful and gross, but hopefully not serious. Dr. W thinks we caught it in time and daily drainings/cleanings plus antibiotic should take care of it. And a serious thank you to my friend Andrea who was available last minute to drive me so that I could take pain meds!

And because I find it nearly impossible to post without pics, here's another from last week.

Tuesday's Tidbits

2011-11-29T07:28:00.000-06:00

Made this for supper last night with leftover Thanksgiving turkey, and it was delicious. Okay, actually Brian made it. But it was still delicious. And there's leftovers for tonight.

This is a good article about taking pictures of your children - great tips everyone can use, not just OCD mamas with fancy cameras.

I have always been a strictly white-lights-on-my-Christmas-tree kinda girl, but I am feeling serious temptation to switch to colored lights. Thoughts?

I wrote this little tidbit on The Lily-Pad blog about UV filters. You should check it out even if it's only to read the short paragraph directly under the picture. ;)

Remember how I was all on top of things and actually managed to get our Christmas card designed and ordered early? Well, I was apparently under the influence of pain meds when I ordered because I somehow managed to upload the web-sized version of our card instead of the full-sized so our pictures are all fuzzy. Thank goodness for a 100% satisfaction guarantee from Winkflash. I have to pay to ship the bad cards back to them, but they are re-printing for free. So much for being ahead of the game, but at least we won't have fuzzy faces. Cause you know I'm not sending out fuzzy pictures even if I had to pay for them twice.

I am fairly certain that I had Starbucks nearly every day last week. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but since I don't live close to a Starbucks, I had to take advantage of having one conveniently located. And Liz and I stopped twice for Starbucks on our way to Illinois. It is entirely possible that all the caffeine is responsible for very little sleep last week.

I am overwhelmed in a good way with all of the scrapping supplies and cute pictures that are currently sitting on my computer hard drive. Now if I could only be a scrapping machine and get caught up. One of these days I'm going to get to it.

Headed to see Dr. W this morning about this stupid scar tissue. Taking Rory with me so I won't cry when he decides something painful must be done to it. Because I am fairly sure something painful will have to be done with it.

I'm sure you've noticed this week's edition of Tuesday's Tidbits is completely devoid of any cute kid tidbits. That would be because I'm a failure at writing anything down these days.

But here's a cute picture of Rory to make up for it. We curled her hair a couple of weeks ago because she is currently in a serious Fancy Nancy phase. And Fancy Nancy has curly hair.